In a recent survey by Binghamton University and dating website Match.com, which sampled more than 5,000 single American men and women, political liberal respondents had sex more often, but conservative respondents reported having better sex.

Among conservative Republicans, 53% said that they reached orgasm every time they had sex, while only 40% of the poor Democrats did.

This makes perfect sense; Democrats are famous for not finishing what they start.

The reason that liberals seemingly need to have more sex can be summed up in a famous dictum from the Hall of Fame football coach Vince Lombardi: “You keep running that play until you get it right.”

God, it’s good to be a Republican.