Filed In Triplicate
Ed. note: many thanks to Charles Glasser for alerting me to this incredible business opportunity]
THE UNITED STATES BUREAU OF JOLLITY AND HUMOR ADMINISTRATION
EVERETT DIRKSEN FEDERAL MERRIMENT CENTER
3000 JAMES EARL CARTER PARKWAY SOUTH
FORM US/BJHA-1106(d) : AARA Budget Procurement Code LOL-431[ROFL]
APPLICATION FOR HUMOR CONSULTANT / CONTRACTOR
This space for official use
The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified private contractors to provide amusement and humor-related services to career employees within a wide range of federal agencies, including but not limited to the Treasury Department, Department of Education, The US Census Bureau, and USDA Mohair Subsidization Board. Winning applicant(s) shall perform presentation program demonstrating mirth as defined herein and in BJHA document (k)670-110, "FY 2009 Federal Levity Handbook." In particular, guidelines specify services rendered by applicants shall be funny "ha-ha," not funny "peculiar."
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE:
Recent studies have shown that appropriate levels of workplace humor and supervised jokery provides organizational benefits in areas of employee stress reduction, enhancement of communication flow, and greater regulatory throughput metrics (BHJA document C-11-k.101.t). Two year implementation of described program is forecast by analysis staff to reduce federal employee stress and random murder sprees by 14% over FY2009 benchmarks.
ADDENDUM: pursuant to EO guideline [6.09(vt)-5], explanation of solicitation of bids from outside contractor
Understaffing; current Undersecretary for Mirth Training Affairs on administrative leave until completion of murder spree trial.
DATE(S) OF CONTRACT: 10-01-09 : 09-30-11
SOURCE(S) OF FUNDS: AARA section 351(t), National Humor Recover and Funnybone Stimulus Fund
Read and fill out all sections as completely as possible. Write legibly in black ink or fixed width font not to exceed pica 10 pitch. Mail 3 (three) completed application to the BHJA, attn: Office of Jocularity Assessment.
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