Phil Robertson at CPAC: 110 Million Americans Have STDs

NATIONAL HARBOR, MD – “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson electrified CPAC at the Gaylord Convention Center citing statistics from the Center for Disease Control that 110 million Americans now have a sexually transmitted illness.

Robertson attended the conference to accept the Andrew Breitbart Defender of the First Amendment Award. After an uplifting and poignant introduction by Breitbart CEO Larry Solov, who expressed that Andrew would have been happy that Phil received the award, the Duck Commander explained that America is suffering from a lack of morality.

“I don’t want you to become ill. I don’t want you to come down with a debilitating disease. I don’t want you to die early,” Robertson said.

He advocated for marriage, saying that the bond of a man and a woman who join together, disease free, will remain disease free if they keep their marriage vows intact, staying true to each other.

If you stay together, loyal to each other “you won’t get sick from a sexually transmitted disease,” the successful Bible-toting entrepreneur insisted. Phil’s comments were greeted with huge applause and glowing enthusiasm for his simple, moral, common sense prescription for keeping America free from STDs.

There is a penalty to be paid as a result of the free love ethic promoted by the beat-nicks and the hippies suggested Robertson. “What do you call 110 million people who have sexually transmitted diseases?” asked Robertson. “It’s the revenge of the hippies. Sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll has come back to haunt us. In a bad way.”

Robertson pointed out that it takes only one sexual encounter to contract a STD, it takes thirty seconds of contact to get genital herpes.

“You want a Godly, biblical, medically safe option—one man, one woman, married for life,” Robertson said.

The “Duck Dynasty” show patriarch insists that he is sharing his wisdom and his morality because he loves America.

“I am trying to help to help you for crying out loud. If I didn’t care about you, why would I bring this up?” he added.

Follow Robert Wilde on Twitter @rwildewrites


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