On the strength of his historic summits with such as The Junkyard Dog, Gorilla Monsoon, and Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Jesse “The Body” Ventura recently appeared on CNN to offer in depth analysis/commentary on U.S. diplomatic and economic relations vis a vis Latin America. We can only assume that Ventura’s insights into his co-professionals’ deft use of the “Piledriver,” “Flying Headbutt” and “Mudhole Stomp” played into CNN’s decision to showcase the international diplomatic expertise of this modern-day Metternich.
Ventura’s analysis was featured this week on the Larry King Show in the form of a “Shout-out” to Oliver Stone for the upcoming U.S. release of his U.S.-bashfest and Chavez/Castro infomercial titled “South of the Border.”
On King’s show the “Tag-Team” of Jesse Ventura and Oliver Stone staged a vicious “Smack-Down” against Florida Republican Congressman Connie Mack, who serves as Ranking Member of the House Subcommittee on the Western Hemisphere. (But what does he know about this stuff?)
Expounding on his film , Oliver Stone informs us that Hugo Chavez electoral systems is infinitely superior to ours (“they have both electronic system and paper ballots!”) and that compared to the press freedom in Chavez’ Venezuela, the U.S. First Amendment comes across as a sorry joke. That Chavez’ Castro-run and mentored regime “nationalized” all media outlets that proved insufficiently reverential to his dictatorship and jailed the owners, is not exactly a secret.
But any such backtalk from Yankee-stooges gets short thrift from Stone. After all, how many of those yokels have visited Venezuela or Cuba? The celebrated filmmaker , on the other hand, explained how, while an official and repeated guest of the Great and Powerful Hugo, he gaped at Venezuela’s antiseptic democracy, press-freedom and prosperity. During his guided tours of the Wonderful Land of Hugo, Stone also witnessed the gleeful subjects laughing the days away (ha-ha-ha! ho-ho-ho! and a couple of tra-la-las!) So there.
Having been honored to see a private screening of Stone’s new film, the self-styled “libertarian”, Ventura, declared on camera that Stone’s U.S.–bashing Infomercial for Tropical Stalinism “should be mandatory viewing for every U.S. high school senior.” (That’s “mandatory,” remember.)
When a smirking Congressman Mack heard this proposed mandate for the U.S. school curriculum, he pulled a “Jacknife Flip” on his “libertarian” opponent by pointedly asking Ventura how he could suggest enforcing such a thing. Ventura’s stint in the World Wrestling Federation (as both performer and announcer) sprang to the rescue in the reply: he manufactured an impromptu tantrum. For full effect, Ventura’s performance featured hurtful frowns followed by blood-curdling snarls. Congressman Mack, you see, had not addressed Ventura as “Governor,” and so ignited his ire. Needless to add, Governor Ventura never answered the question, as Congressman Mack stood patiently waiting–and smirking.
Along with WWF viewers, all parents recognize the routine. Your kid is caught red-handed in blatant idiocy or mischief. He’s a sharp kid but the evidence against him is so gross and overwhelming that he can’t possibly conjure up any excuses or alibis on such short notice. So he resorts to outraged stomping or tear-squeezing or–for best effect– both. Bill Clinton, you might recall, was a virtuoso of the ploy.
On earlier Larry King gigs, “The Body” Ventura recalled his visit (while Minnesota governor) to Cuba in 2002 where he was personally feted by Cuba’s Stalinist dictator. During a private meeting. “Fidel Castro looked into my eyes and told me I was a man of great courage because I defied my President to come to Cuba.” The look on Ventura’s face and the tone of his voice while boasting of this compliment from the Stalinist mass-murderer who craved to incinerate him and millions of his countrymen, is simply priceless.Recall the Lion’s reaction when the Wizard grants him “the NOYVE.”
Well, Jesse Ventura’s moronic gloating outdoes it. “Maybe he (Castro) saw a little of him in me,” he modestly explains.
(“Shucks, folks, I’m speechless..ha-ha…Ain’t it the truth! Ain’t it the truth!” OK, so the Lion put it a little differently. But still.)
“And I’ll tell you another thing that shows me a little bit more about Castro” revealed Ventura in an earlier interview. “The main downtown building in Havana has this huge flat wall and it has got a huge portrait on it. It’s not Castro. It’s Che Guevara. The biggest photograph in downtown Havana was a mural on a wall of Che. Now if Castro was such an egomaniac and all this, wouldn’t he put himself up there instead of Che?”
For a man with Ventura’s (mostly self-) vaunted “street smarts,” Castro’s blandishments of (the dead) Che Guevara should be a cinch to plumb. Didn’t Don Barzini send the biggest and fanciest flowers to Don Corleone’s funeral?
The Minneapolis Star Tribune reported how on his Cuba visit Ventura spoke at the University of Havana where he “exhorted students to dream big and work hard to achieve success!” Here one blinks, looks again – and gapes. You long to believe otherwise, you grope for an extenuation, you hope you misread – but it’s inescapable: A man elected as governor of a populous and prosperous U.S. State (and a “Harvard Visiting Fellow“) cannot distinguish between the subjects of a Stalinist police state and the attendees of an AmWay convention.
Ask anyone familiar with Communism. To achieve “success” in such as Castroland – to “get to the top!” down there – you join the Communist Party, you pucker up and stoop down behind Fidel and his toadies and smooch away.
So come to think of it, “Governor,” you and Stone INDEED have much to teach those Havana U. students. You guys perform brilliantly on every visit to Havana (and Caracas.)
Ventura prides himself as a “straight shooter.” In his own words, he “shoots from the hip.” Well, he’s got the latitude right. Now move the longitude over about 45 degrees to the rear. THAT orifice seems like the source of most Ventura talk.