As is the case with every Super Bowl, Madison Avenue and Hollywood pulled out all the stops to sell us their stuff Sunday night. Here is all the stuff Hollywood wants you to buy into…
Solo: A Star Wars Story
While no one would dare call Star Woke: The Last Jedi anything other than a big hit, the fact that it is running almost $300 million behind its predecessor, The Force Awakens, is worth noting. Worldwide, The Last Jedi is almost $700 million behind Force.
Introducing obnoxious feminist politics probably killed a lot of the repeat business Last Jedi needed to enter the box office stratosphere. At the historical box office, when inflation is figured in, Last Jedi ranks well below the original trilogy, and even one of the dreaded prequels, 1999’s The Phantom Menace.
There is also the sense that a new Star Wars movie comes out almost every week, which takes away from the Big Event aspect of it all, something that might factor into Solo: A Star Wars Story, the notoriously troubled production that hits theaters Memorial Day weekend, May 25:
Avengers: Infinity War
With Black Panther about to knock over the box office in a couple weeks, the seemingly infallible hit-makers at Marvel can then look forward to the much-anticipated Avengers: Infinity War continuing that streak. The Avengers all assemble on May 4. The second part of Infinity War will arrive almost exactly a year later on May 3, 2019.
This is the first Avengers film not to be directed by Joss Whedon, which might be a good thing. He did not show any mojo whatsoever after being brought in to save Justice League.
Interesting side note: If you look at the current pace, there is a pretty good chance the first Avengers movie from 2012 will have outgrossed The Last Jedi both domestically and worldwide.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Jurassic World, the fourth entry in this 25-year-old franchise, made a whole lot more money than anyone expected in 2015, and did outgross The Last Jedi. The sequel arrives on June 22.
From the trailer, it appears as though Bryce Dallas Howard will not be fighting dinosaurs while wearing high heels this time.
Mission: Impossible – Fallout
The sixth entry in a franchise that just keeps getting better arrives July 27.
While, over the last 22 years, the series has maintained continuity with the characters and their relationships, this one looks like a direct sequel to Rogue Nation.
Now that the 007 franchise has devolved into a dry and joyless journey of self-discovery for James Brood, thank heaven we have Ethan Hunt to delivers the fun and thrills in a good old-fashioned spy flick.
The Cloverfield Paradox (Netflix)
After the Super Bowl, Netflix premiered this sequel to 2008’s Cloverfield, the single most unwatchable movie I have ever seen — although it did win the Oscar for “Best Cinematography by a Cocaine Monkey on a Pogo Stick.”
There was 2016’s pretty solid 10 Cloverfield Lane, which was set in the same movie universe (I think). But this Netflix offering is a sequel-sequel — complete with a monster. The good news is that there appears to have been enough money in the budget for a tri-pod.
Dwayne Johnson defies gravity in a computer on July 13.
Sources inform me the original title of this action-thriller was Tron 3: This Rock Floats.
A Quiet Place
An interesting concept about a family living on a farm where supernatural monsters find you through any amount of noise. This hits screens April 6.
On March 2, box office poison Jennifer Lawrence get another chance at a reprieve in this sexy, spy thriller with a major emphasis on bangs.
Westworld – Season 2 (HBO)
The second season of HBO’s umpteenth show featuring full-frontal nudity arrives April 22.
Castle Rock (Hulu)
Season one of Castle Rock, a psychological horror show set within Stephen King’s universe, debuts on February 17.
Jack Ryan (Amazon)
After the debacle that was 2014’s Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, the latest incarnation of this iconic Tom Clancy character lands on Amazon Streaming with John Krasinski as our brainy action hero. The fact that the trailer acknowledges that Donald Trump is president, and does so without irony or insult, gives me some hope it won’t be a Taken-style debacle.
Plus, Krasinski was superb in the still under-appreciated Benghazi movie 13 Hours.
Jack Ryan streams on August 31.
This musical drama premieres on March 13. Like most millennials, it looks both smug and woke.