Ariel Pink, Former Mumford & Sons Guitarist Pen ‘Laptop from Hell’ Song: ‘Only Big Tech Can Save Christmas!’

YouTube / kingcon2k11, Fox News

Several infamously cancelled musical outsiders — the notoriously avant-garde Ariel Pink and former Mumford & Sons member Winston Marshall — have set the saga of Hunter Biden’s “Laptop from Hell” to music, a playful Christmas song titled “Rudolph’s Laptop.”

Pink self-released the single on Christmas Day, telling the story of Hunter Biden’s abandoned laptop — which revealed both private vices and demolished his father’s thin excuses about public corruption — with Santa Claus and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer in the respective roles of father and son.

After a festive intro — with genteel banjo plucking and sleigh bells over a building pattern of slightly discordant vocals — the song explodes into Pink’s signature retro, warm-VHS pop rock sound, synths and bells sketching out the mental image of “reindeers falling” — the high-flying Biden influence empire careening toward the earth, before Pink’s lyrics sketch out the laptop saga’s broad strokes:

Rudolph, what have you done?
They’ve found your laptop, it’s a smoking gun
You’ve ruined Christmas for everyone
Rudolph, what have you done?

Shame on Rudolph
What you have done, you imbecile
Shame on Rudolph
My only son ruined it all

Laptop from hell they called it
Laptop they memory-holed it
Dick pics and crack cocaine
And China and Ukraine

The single’s finale takes a more upbeat tone, with banjo and sleigh bells returning as the Biden stand-ins find their salvation:

Only Big Tech can save Christmas
Only Big Tech can save Christmas
They censored the story
Of Rudolph being naughty
Santa will be free again

A fan-made music video, released the same day as the song, captures its manic energy with jittery sequences of AI-generated art stitched together — vignettes of Pink singing, Santa Claus imagery, Joe Biden reacting to the contents of Hunter’s laptop, and various film references, most notably President Biden in the role of Full Metal Jacket’s Gunny Sergeant Hartman.

Pink, known personally as Ariel Rosenberg, has been no stranger to dramatizing politics in his music. He released a sprawling, 16-minute single titled “Witchhunt Suite for WWIII” that explored the War on Terror on the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks.

For at least a decade, Pink had a vocal fan in right-wing media; Fox News’ then-Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld praised his album Before Today as one of the best of 2010, here in the pages of Big Hollywood — the first site launched by the late Andrew Breitbart to publish original content under his Breitbart News brand.

Rather than snub Gutfeld’s overtures, Pink appeared as a panel guest on the eccentric late-night show a few years later. The left-leaning music press treated the crossover event more as a novelty than an outrage, but nearly a decade later, Pink would cross a red line that instantly blew up his reputation among the Pitchfork-reading bourgeoisie.

On January 6, 2021, Pink attended the protest in Washington, D.C., over suspected mass-mail voting irregularities in the 2020 election. Pink did not participate in the Capitol riot and, when confronted about his presence at the rally, clarified that he merely wanted to “peacefully show his support for the president.” However, the ensuing outrage led his record label to drop him. Pink told Tablet Magazine earlier this year that he and his wife still get stalked and harassed when they go out in public due to the enduring hatred generated by this incident.

Days later, Pink was interviewed by Fox News host Tucker Carlson, saying his swift cancellation would leave him “destitute” and he had no other option but to appear on Fox News to counter the popular narrative associating him with the most unseemly elements of the January 6 riot. In the following years, Pink appears to be supporting himself via a subscription Substack blog — where he released an early version of “Rudolph’s Laptop” in early December.

Pink credits Winston Marshall as a collaborator — the banjo and guitar player for megastars Mumford & Sons who quit the band after intense backlash for his mild praise of Andy Ngo, a journalist who has exposed violence by far-left “Antifa” revolutionaries. In his Substack post, Pinks also names Ngo as a contributor to the song, as well as Alex Trimble, the lead singer for the Irish synthpop band Two Door Cinema Club.

Pink and Marshall appeared on Tucker Carlson Tonight for an interview with former Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, guest hosting for Carlson, a few days after Christmas. Marshall said the song was “meant as a little bit of silliness,” which they recorded together in the United Kingdom. Asked about his next steps after being asked, Pink said he hoped to rise “out of the ashes” and quipped that he might “do politics.”

Hunter Biden is the subject of a brand new narrative film, My Son Hunter, marking Breitbart’s expansion into film distribution. The film was directed by Robert Davi (GooniesLicense to KillDie Hard) and stars Laurence Fox (VictoriaInspector LewisThe Professor and The Madman) as Hunter Biden; Gina Carano (The MandalorianDeadpoolHeist) as a Secret Service agent; and John James (Dynasty) as Joe Biden. It was produced by Phelim McAleer and Ann McElhinney (Gosnell movie, FBI Lovebirds: Undercovers) from the Unreported Story Society. The film is available RIGHT NOW for Streaming and Downloading at MySonHunter.comThe trailer below has been millions of times across social media.


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