Try this experiment. Pour 15-½ ounces of Coca-Cola in a tall glass. Add 1 tablespoon of Budweiser, which is exactly ½ ounce. That makes it 1/32 beer. Question: do you now have a glass of beer? Obviously not…unless you’re Elizabeth Warren, in which case the answer is yes, you now have a frosty mug of Bud.
Here’s another one. Pour 31 ounces of water into a carafe. Add 1 ounce of Chardonnay. Now, serve it at a bar as “house white wine” and charge $8 a glass for it. How do we think the customers would react? Would Ms. Warren believe that this was a perfectly acceptable glass of wine? And if Ms. Warren were the bartender and she served wine this way, how long would she have her job?
Imagine that Elizabeth Warren was a restaurant inspector who went to a self-proclaimed Vegan restaurant. She checks their recipe for “organic veggie burgers” and discovers that the patties are made from a mixture of 31 pounds of fatty ground beef and 1 pound of organic soy. Apparently Ms. Warren would swear on a Bible that these were indeed vegan burgers. So does this mean that a lot of restaurateurs will now be voting for her?
Perhaps Ms. Warren could comment about her standards when she was a Harvard professor. If a student turned in 32 papers, got an “A” on one and a “C” on the others, would Ms. Warren give him an “A?” If he attended only one class out of 32, would he get a gold star on his attendance record?
If Ms. Warren had to be certified by the FDA, how would they evaluate her? She claims her Native American status based on being 1/32 Cherokee. That’s less than 3.2%. The FDA fruit juice standards say that to call something “orange juice,” it must contain at least 11.8% orange juice from concentrate. So Ms. Warren fails that test. She also fails the grape juice test (16%), the pineapple juice test (12.8%), the cranberry juice test (7.5%) and even the lemon juice test (4.5%), which has the lowest percentage of any fruit juice on their list. In other words, if Ms. Warren was a fruit juice, the FDA would not allow her to call herself Cherokee.
Finally, one last statistic. In 2005, genetic researchers determined that the genomes of humans and apes are 96% identical. 96%! Hmmm… I guess Harvard didn’t have “chimpanzee” as one of the choices for ethnicity on their job application form. Okay, I admit, that last bit was really unfair. After all, that genetic research was done many years after Ms. Warren got her job at Harvard, and she simply couldn’t have known about it.
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