For those who don’t think the world has gone mad enough with anti-science bullies demanding we embrace the madness of accepting biological men as a women, let me welcome you to the world of autosexuality.
One of my favorite Woody Allen jokes is, “Hey, don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.”
Well, you might want to hold tight to your copy of Annie Hall because ridiculing self-love is about to become as verboten as your copy of Dude Looks Like a Lady — because self-love is now a thing, yall, a real thing, another one of those things we are going to be forced to accept as normal and not at all as a sign of some kind mental illness or, heaven forbid, crybullying narcissism.
“What’s it like being autosexual, when you’re attracted to yourself?” the headline reads, and the answer is: “It can mean being turned on by your own look and nudity, getting butterflies when you think about yourself, being excited to spend time alone, and masturbating to the idea of yourself. It’s all the feelings we get for a potential new suitor but for ourselves.”
The piece gets most of its information from someone named Ghia Vitale, who is both “autosexual and autoromatic” — and no, I’m not looking up “autoromantic.” Google it yourself.
Ghia became aware of her sexuality at the age of seven — SEVEN — and “after unlearning her preconceived notions about relationships and the idea that you have to be with another person for it to be valid, Ghia wants to normalise autosexuality.”
“I still had sexual and romantic feelings about myself, but always assumed a relationship had to be with another person in order to be valid,” she explained. “I now realise that my relationship with myself is as valid as any other relationship.”
“The relationship I have with myself is special,” she adds. “I sometimes get butterflies in my stomach when I think of myself. I know I can always turn to myself if I’m having a problem. I love myself for my uniqueness, creativity, and beauty.”
You know, I normally don’t say things like this, but this poor girl needs to find Jesus.
But it may be too late. Ghia has already taken the next step and is engaged to herself, as in engaged to be married. “Although I will one day be my own wife, I am enjoying the feeling of being engaged,” she says.
Marriage to one’s self is called sologamy, and while sologamy is not yet legally recognized anywhere in the world, now that people of the same sex can be married, there is no argument against sologamy.
You know, it might be worth legalizing sologamy just so we can see what the divorce will look like.
Hey, remember when they told us same sex marriage was not a slippery slope? Remember when they said same sex marriage would not open a Pandora’s box, would not affect our lives? And here we are, just a few years later, living in a world where men are peeing next to our daughters, Christianity itself is labeled bigoted, men are triumphing in women’s sports, and gay rights crusader Martina Navratilova is being crucified for her opposition to allowing men to compete in women’s sports.
It is always a slippery slope, folks. Always.
Going back to Woody Allen, looks like Sleeper pretty much nailed what our future would look like — equal parts fascism and narcissism:
Let me be the first to apologize to the Baby Boomers for describing them as the “worst ever.”