Real Football Fans Keep Out: Levi's Stadium Opens with a Wagyu Dog w/Chicharrones and $11 Beers

Real Football Fans Keep Out: Levi's Stadium Opens with a Wagyu Dog w/Chicharrones and $11 Beers

Levi’s Stadium sells vegan hot dogs, bans throwing footballs in its parking lots, and offers wine for $12 a non-glass glass.

You can take the 49ers out of San Francisco. But you can’t take San Francisco out of their stadium.

A San Jose Earthquakes Major League Soccer game opened Levi’s Stadium this weekend. Stadium goers got wi-fi and male-female bathroom equality at 33 each. But they faced ejection if they swore or taunted visiting fans (Does this rule hold for guys wearing Seahawks jerseys?). Any guilt over contributing to the venue’s massive carbon footprint quickly evaporated once ticket holders passed through one of the three solar-panel-covered, soul-cleansing bridges that bring fans from parking lots to stadium, from shame to superiority.

Two workers died constructing the Santa Clara facility, taxpayers and the 49ers spent $1.3 billion to build it, and Levi’s forked over $220 million to name it. So the experience doesn’t come cheap for fans.

The Bourbon Steak & Pub at Levi’s Stadium boasts “the most exciting and exclusive tailgate experience in all of sports.” They’re much more shy, at least online, about the prices for such dishes as Maine Lobster Pot Pie and the Smokin’ Double Barrel Wagyu Dog (pictured above).

The proles opting for standard concession-stand food won’t be paying standard concession-stand prices. A hot dog costs $6.25, a bottle of premium beer $11, and a slice of pizza $8. It’s the price a denizen of Presidio Heights pays for not having to watch a 49ers game next to the riff-raff from Visitacion Valley. You not only get to sit next to other extraordinarily wealthy people who smell, speak, and vote like you, you can order the Goose Island 312 Urban Pale Ale from your cell phone and avoid standing in line the way those people do who don’t fly first class. Licenses for cushioned seats run as much as $80,000. Alternatively, one can buy this seat cushion for $9.99 at Amazon and attempt to smuggle it past security. Parking, which strangely comes for 5,000 drivers via the fairways of a public golf course, goes for as little as $40 a car.

So bring a fat wallet. But maybe keep your fat purse at home.

The label says “Levi’s” above the jumbotron. The labels say “Armani” in the seats.