A Public Safety Alert from David Burge Executive Director and Chief Research Officer The Media Violence Project / Center for the Study of Politician Sociopathy At the Media Violence Project, our charter is to protect public safety by researching, documenting
Obama’s Eleven (Scene 1: Framed from the back, bathed in the glaring kleig lights, a lonely lounge crooner stands at a microphone with a trenchcoat slung over his shoulder.) VOICE-OVER This is it. The big time. The main room at
(with deep apologies to Frank Capra) ************** Scene 14: Christmas Eve, inside Bedford Falls Town Hall. Senator George Bailey confronts an angry mob of constituents protesting his vote on the new health care bill. MAN #1 Come on Bailey, you
by Carbie the Climate Clown Emmett K. Bozo Distinguished Professor of Climate Pantomimology, University of East Anglia EU Regional President, Union of Concerned Climate Scientists and Street Performers The scientific evidence is everywhere we look — in our vanishing polar
Narrator Our very planet depends on them. Yet they remain nature’s most elusive scientific species, inhabiting some of the world’s most delicate and daunting academic environments. But thanks to new breakthroughs in high speed cameras and email files, metascientists are
Nidal “Gary” Hassan – All-American boy was haunted by memories of Gitmo, ‘Nam, Hiroshima INEVITABLY, ANOTHER SOLDIER SNAPS Distraught pacifist conscientious objector tormented by horrors of war, as far as you know Newsroom experts: stress, violence, stupidity, tragedy a way
[ed. note: republished and amended from a 2007 post] Dear BARACK OBAMA : Congratulations! On behalf of the selection committee, I am pleased to announce that you have been named a 2009 recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, in recognition
Like you, when I read that a cabal of art-hating reactionary philistines had forced the resignation of Yosi Sergant from the National Endowment for the Arts, I was sickened. This was followed by shame, then fear. And then, finally, the
It’s true — U.S. government demand for art and art-like products has never been higher! Uncle Sam and the good folks at the National Endowment for the Arts are on the lookout for go-getting, obedient artists like you for a
[ed – Rush transcript! Leaked NEA conference call from my mom, proving the Bush Administration did it too] TRANSCRIPT OF CONFERENCE CALL OF THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS 21-Jan-2007 MR. SMIRNOV: Hello everybodies! Who we gots on the phones
Good morning! Did you have a restful sleep? Yes, I know it’s 3 AM, I just thought… well, the whole orderly staff thought a little early morning air would do you some good after all that commotion yesterday. I have
By Linda Douglass Deputy Assistant Under-Minister of Truth White House Health Care Task Force Greetings citizen! By now you may have heard scattered rumors of state and party officials encountering reactionary resistors at local health care reform information programs. Do
Ed. note: many thanks to Charles Glasser for alerting me to this incredible business opportunity] ————————– THE UNITED STATES BUREAU OF JOLLITY AND HUMOR ADMINISTRATION EVERETT DIRKSEN FEDERAL MERRIMENT CENTER 3000 JAMES EARL CARTER PARKWAY SOUTH WASHINGTON, DC FORM US/BJHA-1106(d)
An Iowahawk Techno-pinion by David Burge It hardly seems possible that 40 years have now passed since Neil Armstrong put that puffy moon boot in the dusty surface of the Sea of Tranquility and uttered those immortal words — “joke’s
LOS ANGELES – Millions of fans from around the globe gathered along Sunset Boulevard to pay final respects to California today, as a slow moving funeral procession transported the eccentric superstar state’s remains to its final resting place in a
In October 1864, a 38-year old farmer from Story County, Iowa enlisted with Company I of the 8th Iowa Volunteer Infantry. With a wife and five young kids to feed, and with no certainty of return, it must have been
[Crunchy metal music punctuated by power tool noises] DAVE Hi everybody, this is Dave Burge — and welcome to [growl voice] D.C. Garage! [/growl voice] Where we hijack classic American muscle and give it a monster makeover with our pro
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(Thundering tympanies, swirling spotlights) Announcer Live! From the fabulous Turtle Bay Ballroom at United Nations Headquarters, it’s the Rat Pack of Evil All-Star International Celebrity Roast of President Barack Obama! (orchestra fanfare: ‘Make ‘Em Laugh’) With Pyongyang funnyman Kim Jong-Il!
FILM PROJECTOR thlthlthlthlthlthlthlthlthlthlthlthl ROLL TITLES “It Could Happen Here!” A PRESENTATION OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY JANET NAPOLITANO, DIRECTOR IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE AND THE HOUSE ANTI-TAX ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE AN
ACT 1 SCENE 1 A stark dressing room in the underbelly of the White House, bathed in the dim yellow light of a 25-watt compact fluorescent bulb. The dingy walls are plastered with Shepard Fairey “HOPE” posters. Off stage is
Special Guest Video Commentary By XD-235 Staff Teleprompter for the Obama Presidential Campaign — [youtube 3hSnEMV58F8 nolink]
Still reeling from Vietnam, and with Watergate and OPEC looming on the horizon, 1972 was a turbulent time for America. Nowhere was the zeitgeist more reflected than on ABC Thursday nights, with the debut of “Chutch.” Starring Jan-Peter Bronston in
[ed. note: a number of you have written requesting I invite T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII back for another analysis of the sad state of the conservative movement. After some cajoling and a bottle of VSOP, he agreed.] T. Coddington
Excerpts from the never-aired 1973 Scooby Doo episode with guest star Hunter S. Thompson We were ten minutes south of San Clemente when the putrid green daisy walls of the van started closing in. I recall the fat four-eyed lesbian
Oh Lordy I should not have picked “courage” as my drinking word.
I beg to differ. (No CGI here, by the way) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfCVLm9wd0g
Final day weigh-ins!
An Archbishop of Canterbury Tale With apologies to Geoffrey Chaucer 1 Whan in Februar, withe hise global warmynge 2 Midst unseasonabyl rain and stormynge 3 Gaia in hyr heat encourages 4 Englande folke to goon pilgrimages. 5 Frome everiches farme
As grad student experts have long taught us, Western culture is quick to marginalize and devalue knowledge from the “Other.” For example, look at the recent ridicule aimed at the “Egg of Power” sculpture President Obama keeps in the Oval
A Go-Green Guide for the Hollywood Community More than ten years after the Kyoto accords, our planet continues to careen helplessly toward certain environmental destruction. The skies are choked with pollutants. Adorable helpless polar bears plunge through thinning ice caps.
The Not-Really-That-Epic Poem of Obamacles Revised and Updated (with Apologies to Homer) Book the First: A question for the Muse Speak to me, O Muse, of this resourceful man who strides so boldly upon the golden shrine of Potomac, Between
Rush transcript of the celebrity Pledge of Obama Allegiance video (for educational purposes only) [Fade in; cue pseudo-soulful electric piano dirge] Courtney Cox and her husband, what’s-his-name: I pledge. Demi Moore: I pledge. Cameron Diaz: Me pledge too!! Courtney Cox:
Special Guest Commentary by Waxulon-6, Lord High Admiral of the Kremulakian Earth Invaders The Being Formerly Known as Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA) Attention Hu-Mans: Mark your time! Behold the current heat readings of your atmosphere, which have now reached less
As a professional filmmaker, I have to say I was as stunned as you when I read that the film industry suffered through another lackluster box office year in 2008. The chief reasons for this appear to be the economy