David Letterman was just rising – earlier than you might think for a guy who’s show is on late enough for college partiers and “freelancers” to enjoy without fear of feeling tired the next day. You’d think that only if you didn’t know the show is taped earlier in the day – and what was taped this week certainly stirred the pot.
“You think maybe you would have edited that, David?” Mr. Carson asked, standing in the lavish bathroom.
“I mean your producer had the time. They could have cut it, right?”
Carson looked very young. Circa ’66 young.
Letterman was incredulous. “Johnny… what the heck are you doing here, how can this be possible?” the aging late night host queried.
“I am here to see you, Letterman,” Johnny said, flicking some lint off his attractive form-fitting suit. “You always made a big deal about honoring me, and uh, flattering me with your praise. I feel I owe it to you… in your time of trouble… to try to help you out.”
“Johnny, come on, you’re a class act, this ghost business is beneath you… and why haunt me, are you one of them now? Are you a conservative operative?”
“Class act? What would you know about class these days, David? You’re an entertainer and you’re acting like a nut on a crusade to destroy the Republican Party.
This stuff ain’t funny, David, shame on you, not so much for the specific comments, but for abandoning your talent as a comedian and crossing over to become a wacky pundit like that Olbermann bozo.
And speaking of clowns, David, it’s always so sad when a clown gets old, but it’s pathetic when the clown gets old and mean.”
Letterman looked at Carson with anger now and Carson seemed to be bizarrely morphing between younger Johnny and the older retired-age Johnny. Letterman shook his head and chuckled, “Wow, the band must have slipped me some funny stuff…”
“Ah yes, the band/drug shtick,” Johnny smiled, “That stuff always worked.”
“David, you’re getting close to retirement. Your legacy should have been, ‘Funny man retires, wow what a great run,’ but now I fear soon it’s going to be, ‘Nasty late night host retires.’ The way you viciously attacked McCain, now Palin, what gives, man? It’s just plain mean. Why are you so angry?”
“Okay nobody talks to me like that, not even you, Johnny. I’ll have to ask you to leave now,” Letterman said without looking Carson in the eye.
“I will, David, but just indulge me for another moment; I am here because of you, you called me. Maybe the younger you. You can chase me, but you might also be chasing the only one who can help you now; the comedian who knows when he’s made a mistake and can laugh at himself. If you forget to laugh at yourself, my friend, you will surely leave that job to others.
Using her daughters in that way is just wrong. It stinks, man. It’s just plain ugly… and mean.
David, I am going, but remember the younger man who used to be funny over at NBC called me. Search your soul, I think you’ll find him there, let him out, I think he may want to make a real apology.”
With that, the steam from the shower seemed to form a flowing curtain behind Carson. Johnny then started walking stage right, faked a trip, smiled, waved, and faded into the morning light.
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