Obama Survival Kit

If the trajectory of the Obama administration continues like this we’ll have to make little adjustments to our lifestyle. So here’s a checklist for making it through 2012:

Yes, we’re still obsessed with culture and groupthink so we should try to blend in with the rest of the survivors of the Obamacalypse. Wear football pads, utility boots with optional baseball bat with rusty spikes sticking out. Mohawks or purple hair are all the rage and help others identify you when riding your motorcycle over the desert wasteland that used to be known as the desert wasteland of California. Goggles are a nice touch, too.

Bring plenty of gold to buy slices of bread. The United Globe of Governments sells bread but you really want to avoid the lines that are estimated to take seventy five years to get through.

Keep spare hoses under the front seat of your ride in case you need to siphon gas.

Get a dog and tie a bandanna around his neck. Dogs provide security when away from the car and if you run out of food, you haven’t quite run out of food– if you know what I mean. Name him after your last boss before profitable jobs were made illegal by the United Globe of Governments.

Pick your criminal underworld gang carefully. You can choose between the PompaDodds, the Lispy Franks and the Pelosidactyls. If offered a brand or a facial tattoo to show gang loyalty, it’s a good sign.

Buy lots of dog food from Costco or Walmart. If you get it by the case, and it’s made in China you can get it cheap. Plus lead poisoning has been known to aid night-vision. This food is not for the dog. This is for human consumption only. The dog has to eat from the new McDonald’s all-organic menu.

Since the Freedom Of Speech Act made talk radio illegal, only National Socialist Public Radio is available. Don’t listen to NSPR without the aid of caffeine, amphetamines or else sleep-driving will occur.

Mount an MK 38 25-mm machine gun to the hood of your car. It’s useful for protecting your fuel supply from the Wealth Redistribution Force. It’s also good for killing giant mutant scorpions.


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