Today’s Prime Minister’s Questions (PMQs) reminded me of an eat-as-much-as-you-like curry buffet: there’s loads to choose from but its all crap. Talk of ISIS was filled with so much regret, so much anger and no desire to do anything to solve the problem. The discussion was dominated by how to use diplomatic pressure, the UN and humanitarian aid to beat ISIS. The British man who beheaded Steven Sotloff must be choking on his onion bhaji.
“This country will never give in to terrorism” clichéd Cameron, “it’s appalling” replied Miliband. “There’s no way to appease it”, was the Prime Minister’s remarkable observation, his analysis was bang-on… he must be getting briefed by some of the world’s most sophisticated intelligence services!
Appalling, appalling, appalling… what can we do to support countries in the region? asked Miliband in his quiet, sincere voice. The Prime Minister replied by issuing the terrifying threat of using “humanitarian aid” and “diplomatic pressure”. He also pledged to have a quick chat with Iran and Qatar… strong stuff.
Miliband then demanded we “build partnerships through the UN” perhaps even using Britain’s chairmanship of the security council. Cameron thought this was a marvellous idea and was sure that pressure from the UN would work. Perhaps that’s because the UN had been so effective in the past at stopping conflict?
Maybe it’s because after a day’s beheadings there is nothing ISIS fighters like more than to get together over a lamb biriyani and watch proceedings at the UN. They huddle around their wide-screen HD plasma screens, nervously worried that a UN resolution could end their whole murderous adventure. Pass the chilli sauce, I’m getting nervous!
But Miliband and Cameron were not finished there, they also agreed that there was a need to strengthen the government’s Prevent Strategy. This is where crazed extremists have a quick chat with a Social Worker who begs them not be so nasty. There appeared little doubt that an even better talking shop would resolve all the ills of the world.
Unsurprisingly the atmosphere was flatter than an an ISIS chapati, only to be broken by a few backbench contributions. Chris Kelly (Con, Dudley South) who is said to hate Cameron’s government so much he couldn’t bare to be a Tory MP any more, demanded that we make ISIS terrorists stateless even if that means breaking treaties. Once again there were warm words from Cameron but no real pledges of action.
Perhaps the crowning glory of today’s waste of time was when it fell to veteran leftie nutter Peter Hain (Lab, Heath) to demand air-strikes… He wasted his breath; its not going to happen! Pass me whatever it is that the British jihadis are not drinking!