North Korea Sends Obama a Letter from ‘Abe Lincoln’

North Korea Sends Obama a Letter from ‘Abe Lincoln’
North Wind Picture Archives via AP Images/Wong Maye-E

North Korea’s insane media operation decided to send President Barack Obama a letter from Abraham Lincoln this week, in which Honest Abe scolds Obama for nuclear hypocrisy from beyond the grave.

North Korea’s media writers did not put much effort into duplicating Lincoln’s writing style. Sky News reports the letter begins, “Hey, Obama, I know you’ve got a lot on your mind these days… I’ve decided to give you a little advice after seeing you lost in thought before my portrait during a recent Easter Prayer Breakfast.”

According to North Korea, Zombie Lincoln’s advice would be for the United States to unilaterally dismantle its nuclear weapons, before giving those lovable scamps in Pyongyang any more grief about their nuclear ambitions.

“If the United States, a country with the world’s largest nuclear weapons stockpile, only pays lip service, like a parrot, and doesn’t do anything actively, it will be a mockery to the entire world,” said the ersatz Lincoln letter. “Hey, Obama, it’s the 21st Century. The tactic by past American presidents, including me, who deceived the people… is outdated. That doesn’t work now. The world doesn’t trust an America that doesn’t take responsibility for what it says.”

It is the least-convincing impression of our 16th President ever, easily stealing the crown from the previous champion, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

As Sky News observes, North Korea wrote this letter just two weeks after threatening to “lay waste to Washington with a submarine-launched nuclear missile in a menacing propaganda video,” which is something Abraham Lincoln would have severely disapproved of.

South Korea’s Yonhap News adds that North Korea’s fake Lincoln “advised Obama that North Korea will never crumple under the sanctions and economic blockade, saying he feels heavy in mind to hear such words as ‘the toughest and most effective sanctions in the history of the United Nations were imposed on North Korea.'”

“Look, Obama, the US has been threatening the stability and peace of that small country in the East for more than 70 years, and such an act is so shameful that I can’t bear to see the US obstructing the people’s development,” said Pyongyang Lincoln, in another passage related by the New York Post. “It stifles my chest to hear the news of the punishing UN sanctions imposed against that country… that country will never fall from the effect of sanctions or economic blockades.”

The New York Post quotes Suh Dong-gu, of the Korea Institute of National Unification, suggesting this Lincoln shtick might be North Korea’s way of “trying to ease tension with the U.S.” with a little humor, “imitating America’s most well-known figure to make themselves as ‘American’ as they can be.”