Nolte: Even CNNLOL’s Streaming Launch Announcement Contains Fake News

Damage is seen to the CNN logo following an overnight demonstration over the Minneapolis death of George Floyd while in police custody on May 30, 2020 in Atlanta, Georgia. Demonstrations are being held across the U.S. after George Floyd died in police custody on May 25th in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo …
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CNN, a far-left propaganda outlet that encourages violence against conservatives and spreads conspiracy theories, can’t even announce the creation of its new streaming service without lying.

Well, that’s why the world calls it “CNNLOL! “

See if you can spot the fake news in the second paragraph of this announcement (I don’t link fake news):

CNN+, the much-anticipated streaming subscription service from CNN, will debut in Q1 2022.

CNN is coming off its highest rated and most trafficked year ever on both television and digital platforms and remains the most trusted name in news. From this position of strength, CNN+ will expand CNN’s unparalleled multiplatform global reach to provide a new, additive experience that complements the core CNN linear networks and digital platforms to serve CNN superfans, news junkies and fans of quality non-fiction programming.

Well, there’s a lot of arguable stuff in there.

Let’s start with “much-anticipated.”

By who, exactly, Chris Cuomo’s mom?

How about this: “CNN superfans.”

CNNLOL has superfans?  Well, more than one Woketard does qualify as plural, so…

How about this one: “non-fiction programming.”

Well, after seven or eight years of this from CNNLOL…

  • Brett Kavanaugh — Serial Rapist
  • President Michael Avenatti
  • The Covington KKKids Hoax
  • Hands Up, Don’t Shoot
  • George Zimmerman
  • Mostly Peaceful Black Lives Matter Riots
  • The Russia Collusion Hoax
  • Antifa Stormed the Beaches on D-Day
  • Cuomo (D-NY): King of Coronavirus Competence
  • The Clearing of Lafayette Square Hoax
  • The Lab Leak Theory Has Been Debunked Hoax
  • The Russians are Behind Hunter’s Laptop Hoax
  • The Russian Bounty Hoax
  • The Capitol Police Officer Killed with a Fire Extinguisher Hoax
  • The Very Fine People Hoax
  • And on and on and on

…I beg to differ. CNNLOL is 24/7 fiction.

But here’s the real fake news by way of sleight of hand… “CNN[LOL] is coming off its highest-rated and most trafficked year….”

Do you see what CNNLOL did there?

Even though we are already on the bottom half of July, the seventh month of the year, CNNLOL has to reach back all the waaaaayyyy to 2021 (and CNNLOL was still in last place — lol) to brag about its ratings. It’s like someone announcing, “Here’s Joe Namath fresh from his Super Bowl win!”

But that’s all CNNLOL has is that one year – the year former President Donald Trump gave them a boost. Without Trump, CNNLOL is nothing, is right back to record-low ratings. Just last week, CNNLOL was able to average only 833,000 viewers during primetime and a measly 598,000 in total day.

During that same week, Fox News earned nearly three times as many primetime viewers with 2.046 million. MSNBC beat CNNLOL handily with 1.266 million average primetime viewers.

In total day, Fox News averaged 1.178 million. MSNBC averaged 752,000.

CNNLOL can’t even average a million primetime viewers!

So why is CNNLOL moving to streaming even as they are called out almost daily?

The answer is very, very simple… It’s the only chance the fake news outlet has to survive as anything other than a website. Most of CNNLOL’s TV income comes from people who never watch it, and out of a population of around 330 million Americans, 329 million don’t watch it. But…

CNNLOL is paid a monthly carriage fee if CNNLOL is part of your cable package. In other words, if you have access to CNNLOL via your cable package, whether or not you watch, you are still paying CNNLOL around a dollar a month. You are. You, you sucker. So, because CNNLOL is available in about 80 million homes, CNNLOL is raking in around $80 million a month just because people are dumb enough to still pay for cable TV.

But the world is changing. People are cutting the cable cord and moving to streaming, and doing so in accelerating numbers. Whereas around 100 million households once subscribed to cable, that number has dropped faster than anyone (except me) predicted and continues to drop. CNNLOL is losing a ton of money from cord-cutters and knows the up-and-coming generations will never subscribe to cable TV, ever.

So CNNLOL needs to pick up revenue somewhere, and with this streaming service, it’s obviously hoping there are enough Americans out there 1) stupid enough to pay for a CNNLOL streaming service when you can get all kinds of streaming news for free, and 2) counting on its lame-ass “superfans” to want to be lied to when they are online, not just watching cable.

According to this announcement, CNNLOL is investing a lot in its streaming service. Already it’s hired left-wing serial liar Kasie Hunt from NBC. She’s just the beginning of a platoon of serial liars: “CNN[LOL] is hiring about 450 people for CNN+, from producers to engineers to marketers,” the announcement reads.

That’s what they’re calling it… CNN+. Yeah, CNN plus even more lies and fake news and Jake Tapper segments on the details surrounding Donald Trump’s penis.

I can’t wait for CNN+ to fail and believe me, it’s going to because no one watches CNN now when it’s already on their cable package, so who the hell’s going to pay extra for it?

Probably not even Chris Cuomo’s mom.

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