Behold the smeared, clownish face of politics in America today.
Finally, a serious and truly experienced contender. Donald Trump and his $9 billion just made the biggest splash of the 2016 presidential race.
Not since Clark Griswold took his family on a European vacation have we seen such goofy antics. Jeb Bush, in a desperate bid to be taken seriously, is cashing in his last name to buy himself a first-class tour of European capitals to hobnob with world leaders, statesmen and dignitaries.
This was supposed to be the moment where John Kerry would finally make the history books. Or, at least, make the history books for something other than losing the presidency to George W. Bush in the midst of a wildly unpopular war in Iraq, which, if you think about it, is a pretty remarkable feat.
Apparently feeling intellectual, The Washington Post sports department decided to mark Memorial Day this year by pondering a deep thought. “Military tributes at baseball games: True honors or hollow gestures?”
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the longest-running Southern Gothic soap opera in American history! It is a mix of “Days of Our Lives,” “Dr. Phil,” “The Sopranos,” “Oprah” and “Judge Judy” all rolled into one, long, endless saga called “The Clintons — a Tale of Naked Ambition, Unquenchable Libido, Towering Greed and Their Desperation to be a Part of Every American’s Life as Long as We Live.”
Thinking of New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez and his historic milestone of passing Willie Mays’ lifetime home run record last week, I was reminded of the jokes kids used to tell one another when they wanted to impress their playground friends with the epic grossness of their imaginations.
All the mayhem unfolding in Baltimore is nothing short of an unspeakable American tragedy. Laid bare are the failures of cradle-to-grave social policies held so dear by politicians in both parties, but embraced and celebrated most lustily by Democrats.
With such steady, just and hopeful leadership from President Obama and his recently departed attorney general, Eric H. Holder Jr., is it any wonder that peace, love, patriotism and tranquility reign across the land with such fervor?
Sen. Marco Rubio might be a Spanish-speaking Cuban from Miami, but he is currently winning the Republican Party’s “American” presidential primary as the only guy speaking common English right now.
Madam Candidate of the People was in her magical mystery conversion van, flying over the cornfields of Iowa this week taking enemy fire. This required evasive maneuvers that launched her coterie of handmaidens, purse-holders and security guards all around the plush leather cabin of the magical, age-reversing van.
Just like every other ditzy beauty queen in the history of beauty pageants, President Obama steps across the world stage clutching the giant bouquet of flowers handed him by the Nobel Committee and pivots back and forth, waving mechanically.
What do Christina Freundlich, Lena Dunham and Andreas Lubitz all have in common?
It is one thing to shrink from the fight. It is one thing to melt in terror over the unimaginable savagery of the tactics of Islamic radicals. It is one thing to become so paralyzed with fear that your knees buckle and you collapse into the bloody folds of Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei’s skirts.
It’s that time of year when college kids in flip-flops hit the sandy beaches of cheesy Mexican resorts and party till the break of dawn, shimmying and jiggling and drinking florescent tequila shots from unknown belly buttons.
The Nuclear Option — Shock, Scandal, and Semi-Stifled Screams: Are You Ready for 10 More Years of Hillary Clinton?
Hillary Clinton’s press performance Tuesday afternoon was, truly, everything Americans could have hoped for from our former First Lady, Modern Joan of Arc, Lady Macbeth, Senate carpetbagger and eternal public Woman Scorned.
Appearing before Congress, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu laid bare terrifying truths about the statements, actions and intentions of the “Islamic Republic” of Iran. Mr. Netanyahu paid great homage to President Obama, Democrats and the U.S. Congress, which he called “the most important legislative body in the world.” Unlike some, Mr. Netanyahu is a true believer in American Exceptionalism.
Routing Mr. Obama and his agenda, Republicans seized control of the U.S. Senate and made historic gains in the U.S. House of Representatives. Instead of respecting the election and listening to voters, Mr. Obama doubled down. He went from merely left wing to utter lawlessness.
It is such a high, blessed relief to finally get to the bottom of the most pressing issue here in this age of $17 trillion U.S. debt, barbaric animals burning humans alive in cages, the systematic rounding up, rape and mutilation of young girls around the world and all these inconvenient blizzards and bone-chilling winds blowing giant holes in our faith in the newly founded Church of Global Warming.
Are you sick and tired of the IRS? Do you owe back taxes? Do you want to be finished with all of the threatening phone calls? The fear, the terrorizing and intimidation? Well we have the answer for you! Just renounce your American citizenship and become and illegal alien!
With a generous baker’s dozen preening and jockeying for early attention, this Republican presidential nomination fight appears to be turning into another none-of-the-above contest. Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker crashed this week’s Drudge Poll by collecting 46 percent of votes, and that was in a pared-down field of 13 possible candidates.
Perched on high bluffs above the Virginia banks of the Potomac River and overlooking the sprawling federal city of Washington, Arlington House for more than 150 years has been a tortured and conflicted spot.
President Obama dedicated his State of the Union address to illegal aliens, college students and communist Cuba. In other words, all those imaginary supporters he claims to be hearing from ever since the actual American electorate denounced him, his party and his policies in last year’s beat-down election.
In all the stirring eulogies and remembrances leading up to the funeral of former New York Governor Mario Cuomo last week, his greatest contribution to American politics went entirely unheralded. All the fawning tributes and tearful, pearl-clutching accolades have failed to include the one single thing about Mario Cuomo that will forever set him far apart from all the rest of the politicians of his ilk.
Here in the winter of our conservative doldrums as the party of jackasses has once again been trounced by the screaming weenies of squishy establishment Republicans, a spark of hope. Amid the ruins lies the Gadsden flag, smoldering, tread upon. In swaggers the great orator and visionary statesman Daniel Webster. Wearing his long frock coat, he walks amid the ashes as if it is nothing. He casts about his severely conservative, unblinking gaze. He eyes the barricades before him. Undaunted.