New York Magazine’s Jesse Singal is a precious flower, so perfect in every way that he could never do any wrong. And he wants you—the readers of Breitbart News Network—to know that, and to know just how imperfect and awful and “hateful” each of you “idiots” are.
Singal, on Saturday morning, went out of his very busy Brooklyn day to comb through millions of Breitbart News Network comments to find 7 commenters who argued that House Speaker Paul Ryan’s new beard suggests an affinity on his part for radical Islamic extremists who commit acts of terror. Of course that’s not true, or accurate, despite what anyone thinks of the feckless congressional response to the worthless handling of the Islamic State’s rise to power by President Barack Obama.
We at Breitbart News thought it was so hilarious that we ran a piece about Singal’s piece. And that piece from us seems to have sent Singal, a perfect liberal who can do no wrong to the world, into a tailspin on Twitter.
“Disproportionate response,” Singal said in response to one Twitter user.
Then, in response to Breitbart Tech editor Milo Yiannopoulos Tweeting out the article about Singal’s piece, Singal began to lose it. “Holy shit Breitbart responded to my beard blog post!!!!!!!!!!! These are some sensitive snowflakes,” Singal wrote.
Three minutes later, Singal indulged himself again by Tweeting with a screenshot of a Facebook message someone sent him calling him a “clown”: “Within minutes of Breitbart writing about me (happened twice now), the dumb Facebook messages roll in.”
Seconds later, Singal Tweeted out a link the Breitbart News article, noting how proud he was that this news network “responds at length to my 30-word blog post about their stupid, stupid, dumb readers.”
When another Twitter user noted that Singal’s piece barely reached 8 comments—compared to the millions Breitbart News gets every month—Singal replied somberly that “It’s okay.” He alleged that Yiannopoulos “is mad that he lied about a really basic sourcing issue he fucked up. Understand why he’s upset.”
A minute later, after someone suggested to Singal that he was somehow whining, he seemed to fly off the handle: “A news organization used to spewing garbage into the ears of hateful idiots. They don’t like being called on shit.”
That’s when, four minutes later, he went on a four-Tweet-long Twitter tirade publishing a listicle about Breitbart News. The four Tweets were supposed to be the last thing he said about Breitbart News today.
“1/ Last thing about Breitbart’s hypersensitivity and then I gotta roll out: Last time they targeted me like this it had to do with the,” he said in the first Tweet.
“2/ murder of a cop. Briefly, I was worried I’d get caught in a maelstrom of idiots, maybe threats etc., But nope — just a few morons on,” he continued in the second.
“3/ Twitter and maybe 8 Facebook messages. I think Breitbart’s millions of readers are either lazy or really only interested in targeting,” he added in the third.
“4/ women and minorities, to be honest. As a white dude you just don’t really get the brunt of it. Have a good Saturday, everyone,” he concluded in the fourth.
But, Singal just couldn’t resist. A minute later, he went off on another out-of-control madman Twitter streak.
“This is the first comment on the Breitbart article expressing anger that I made fun of their commenters,” he Tweeted with a screen shot of another Breitbart News commenter.
Eleven minutes later, he Tweeted again: “The median Breitbart reader is literally a pile of guns that has through some quantum fluke gained salamander-level sentience.”
Nineteen minutes after that: “You don’t hear much from Breitbart readers since they all think emailing non-AOL addresses will incur them an extra fee.”
Three minutes later, in response to another Twitter user questioning him: “1) check profile 2) ‘Donald Trump supporter’ 3) world-weary sigh.”
Nine minutes after that: “According to Quantcast data, 80% of Breitbart readers are trapped under a toppled-over Funyuns display rack.”
Fourteen minutes later: “Two-thirds of Breitbart readers have accidentally ingested a snow globe.”
Three minutes after that Tweet, he sent out a photo of New York’s skyline with this text in a Tweet: “New York City, or, as Breitbart readers put it, ‘That one with the queers and Jews.’”
Eleven minutes later he added: “Q: How many Breitbart readers does it take to change a light bulb? A: ACORN stole all their light bulbs and gave them to black people”
After at least one more response to another jab at Breitbart readers on Twitter, he added in another Tweet: “Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a Breitbart reader? A: Not much. Both see in black and white and both are easily startled”
At that point, he again promised at 5:26 p.m. ET that he was done: “All right that’s my last jab at Breitbart readers. I’m just messing around Breitbart readers you know I love you and respect your smarts”
But he broke that pledge one more time before the night was through in a response to Yiannopoulos: “Me: You violated seriously basic journalistic standards Milo: haha u r jar jar”
Singal appears to have stopped his Twitter tirade at this time–though it’s unclear if he’ll pick it back up again after this (we certainly hope he does). But after carrying it out all day it’s time to now set the record straight: Mr. Singal, we at Breitbart News Network live inside your head rent-free. How does it feel?