Same Church Lady, Different Religion

If you thought Dana Carvey’s Church Lady died with the 90s she’s back – complete with a shrill intolerance past the point of being funny. Sean Penn contorts his muzzle to the side of his face and asks, “What made you support the definition of marriage being between a man and a woman? Was it…mmm, HATRED?!”

Great, now the blue-haired old lady has been replaced by a finger-wagging liberal industry star using the spotlight to shove religion down the next generation’s throat. There’s no self reflection, only the kind of self-righteous condemnation that comes from a rock solid adherence to a dogma.

It’s the same secular humanist dogma the Church Lady swallowed in her youth. She even remembers the sacred text from her book of John Dewey 22:6: “Train up a lefty in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Keep looking down your nose at my pro-life stand, hold your crazy “End Is Near” picket signs warning of apocalyptic environmental disaster, and always-always-always read my mind and know my motives boil down to hateful, bigoted, superstitious, incurious, uncreative, unenlightened or any other bigoted stereotype you shove down my throat from your Sunday School throne.

Same Church Lady, different religion. Only this time I don’t believe in your hell, your Jesus or your doomsday scenarios designed to manipulate a fuller offering plate from your sucker congregation.

Please reserve the schtick for the choir because all you’re getting from me is laughter.

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