…And Now a Word From Victoria Jackson's Ukelele

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I am Victoria’s ukulele and I am in this fight for freedom too.

She takes me to all the rallies and I purposefully sit right in front of the podium so that everyone will notice me. I attended the Beverly Hills Tea Party. All the cameras saw my bumper sticker shouting, “I SUPPORT ARIZONA!!” Can you believe the President of the United States would sue a state?! Man, these are crazy times! All AZ did was ask him to protect them from illegal aliens and criminals. I guess the President doesn’t want to protect them and he is really mad about it. Mad enough to sue.

Suing is a big problem in America. Suing and lawyers. Tort Reform. The President is a lawyer, right? Lawyer sounds like Liar.

You don’t think he has ulterior motives…like, if he kisses butt to millions of illegals and gives them amnesty, they’ll all vote for him? Nah! That’s too nefarious.

Although, I did hear a rumor recently involving that Sherrod lady and “reparations” being paid to black farmers in the south. Many of the “farmers” receiving government money were not even farmers. A lot of things happen below the radar, with our tax money. Things we did not vote for…like abortions. And speaking of nefarious, what’s happening with the offshore oil drilling moratorium? Seems a bit odd how it’s not in the news. And, why would the President want to limit the USA from using its natural resources, while allowing other countries to use them? Um, maybe he wants to make the USA a third world country. But, what do I know? I’m a Ukulele!!

I’m not always negative. Usually Vicki holds me, strums me and sings ditties for itty bitty kiddies. But, we are in a war right now and I am needed on the battlefront.

I will be shuffled to the AZ Freedom Rally II on October 16 in lovely Prescott Valley, AZ. Vicki will be strumming me while she sings, “There’s a Communist Living in the White House” … again. I suggested a new song, perhaps, “Hey, Michelle, The Deficit is Fat,” or “De-de-flate the De-de- Deficit,” or “Puncture Pelosi Power.” Vicki kind of liked “Reid Reeks” and “Bewitching Chris O’Donnell Slaughters Commie Chris Coons,” but, she thinks that her Communist song covers it all. I guess we did a good job at the AZ Freedom Rally I because we were invited back!

Yesterday, while I was lounging on the bed, learning about Fabian Socialism from the Glenn Beck show, I thought up a new song idea;

I like The Star Spangled Banner

I like The Sharron Angle smile

I like the Red, White and Blue

I like the Sharron Angle view and style

I like Sharron Angle’s ethics

I like Sharron Angle’s guts and brawn

But most of all these things, I like the way she sings

The Star Spangled Banner… by the flagpole …at dawn ….oh, nevermind…I was trying to rhyme with brawn and…

Vicki didn’t think my song was good enough for Sharron Angle. She LOVES that lady. Hmmph. Just between you and me, I think Vicki only knows three chords.

I was trapped in the trunk of her car while she and Wilson, Basil and JJ walked the precinct for her beloved conservative JOHN COLBERT. Man, it was hot. My wood warped. That was the record setting 113 degree Los Angeles weekend. Two of my strings went out of tune. When she finally remembered me and put me in the air conditioned back seat, I heard her grumbling, “I can’t believe that out of twenty homes, there is only one couple with a brain! And, they are afraid to donate because they’ll get fired! They’re in show biz.” She said that many of the households did not speak English, one was a drug dealer who didn’t know what “vote” meant, and two were angry Liberals who shouted, “Tea Baggers are the Scum of the Earth!” Maybe I’m glad I was trapped in the sweaty trunk!

While I was sweating there in the dark I started thinking. Congress is corrupt. We should have Term Limits. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. There should be no tenure. No pension. And, Congress should abide by all of the laws they impose on the people, including Health Care. All contracts with Congress should be pronounced null and void as of 1/1/11. Hmmph. That’s what I think. Hey, I should run for office. I’d be the first Ukulele Congressm..,person…thing.

Vicki did not use me when she sang her trio with Von Tress and her sweet, candidate friend, Stephen Smith. So I just sat nearby on the table for a few hours. And, I started thinking… that the way the air feels right now in America is exactly the feeling in The Sound of Music, when the Captain kept making resentful faces at his neighbors who out of fear were giving in to the pressure of the Nazi’s…taking down their Austrian flags, and taking up the Heil Hitler behavior…ever so gradually and then BOOM!….Maria, the Captain and the kids are running through graveyards and mountains to escape the Dictator. It’s just like now! I gotta tell Vicki this. It’s her favorite movie.

Vicki knows I’m special. That’s why she takes me everywhere. The other bumper stickers on my case say, “I Did Not Vote for this Obamanation,” and “If You Don’t Like the Way I’m Thinking Report Me to flag@whitehouse.gov.” There is also a “California” sticker from Joe and two from the Tea Party Express III Tour. I have been everywhere with Vicki and I know a lot of things. We’re pals. That’s why she wrote a song about me. It’s called, “A Nice Ukulele.” Wanna hear it?


Vicki took me to the Marco Rubio rally, but she did not sing her Commie Song. She doesn’t know it in Spanish and most of the people in West Miami prefer Spanish. Ahem. See me in the grass listening to Marco?

Hablo espanol solo poquito.




So, the next time you are at a Tea Party, be sure and look for me. I’m usually in front of the podium, but on the ground. I don’t want to detract from the speakers.

pat boone


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