Nolte: Laura Dern Outs Herself as a Puritan Hypocrite over ‘Jurassic Park’ Romance’s Age Gap

Richard Attenborough, Laura Dern and Sam Neill watch a hatching in a scene from the film 'Jurassic Park', 1993. (Photo by Universal/Getty Images)
Universal/Getty Images

Oscar-winner Laura Dern is Exhibit-A in how Woke McCarthyism is nothing less than self-dealing behind a shield of virtue.

Get a load of this…

Speaking of Jurassic Park (1993), the movie that launched her commercial career, Dern now says the 20-year age gap between her and co-star Sam Neill was, like, completely inappropriate:

Laura Dern and Sam Niell [sic]headlined Steven Spielberg’s 1993 blockbuster “Jurassic Park” as paleobotanist Ellie Sattler and paleontologist Alan Grant, respectively. The two characters fall in love during the film despite the 20-year age gap that existed between Dern and Niell during the making of the film. Dern was 23 years old when filming started and 26 when the movie opened in 1993. Niell, on the other hand, was 43 years old during the shoot. Neither actor was too concerned with their age gap and their characters’ romance.

[…]

“Well, it felt completely appropriate to fall in love with Sam Neill,” Dern added about the age gap. “And it was only now, when we returned in a moment of cultural awareness about the patriarchy, that I was, like, ‘Wow! We’re not the same age?’”

Naturally, because he’s a white guy hoping to avoid the blacklist, Neill agreed…

“I am 20 years older than Laura!” Neill said. “Which at the time was a completely appropriate age difference for a leading man and lady.”

“[The age gap being inappropriate] never occurred to me until I opened a magazine and there was an article called ‘Old Geezers and Gals,’” he added. “And there I was, on the list. I thought, ‘Come on. It can’t be true.’”

Before we get to Laura Dern’s breathtakingly shameless act of self-dealing, look at all the art we would be without had these insufferable puritans always been in charge.

  • Charade (1962)
  • A Good as it Gets (1997)
  • Last Tango in Paris (1972)
  • Manhattan (1979)
  • An American in Paris (1951)
  • Atlantic City (1980)
  • All four movies starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, who remained married until death did them part.
  • Crazy Heart (2009)
  • Daddy Long Leg (1955)
  • Funny Face (1957)
  • The Misfits (1961)
  • Murphy’s Romance (1985)
  • Rio Bravo (1959)
  • Sabrina (1954 & 1995)
  • Unfaithfully Yours (1948)

I could go on and on and on and on… There is nothing morally wrong or inappropriate about two consenting adults in a relationship — nothing. Criticizing people over their age differences, insinuating something is amiss, is naked discrimination and wholly ignorant of human nature.

I’ve been in a May-December romance/marriage since 1986, and let me tell you, the “completely inappropriate” parts are the best parts.

But so much for badass feminists, eh? So much for women being able to stand up for themselves and make their own choices.

Victimizing women like this, rushing in to protect them from their own decisions, infantilizing them with this absurd notion a woman of age can be “groomed” —  this goes beyond making women look weak. It makes them look ridiculous.

But Laura Dern’s real agenda is equal parts transparent and hypocritical, not to mention mercenary…

You see, NOW the kind of an age difference is inappropriate. NOW that Dern has already profited from the age difference, NOW those age differences have to stop. NOW that she’s 55 years old, Hollywood has to do what’s right and NOT give these parts to 23-year-olds. NOW Hollywood has to do the RIGHT THING and hire age-appropriate actresses.

Good grief, what a selfish, insecure neurotic Laura Dern must be. You’d think that Oscar she didn’t deserve would fill the emptiness inside her, but nothing can fill a bottomless pit of narcissism and greed in an uptight prude.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.

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