So, because some of us found the first two episodes of Amazon’s dull, lifeless, tedious, self-righteous, and silly Rings of Power series dull, lifeless, tedious, self-righteous, and silly, Amazon says we’re racist.
Because this tactic worked so well for that Lady Ghostbusters movie.
No one I know, and I do mean no one, is criticizing Amazon’s billion-dollar boondoggle over skin color. You’ll find those complaints on the Twitterz. But if the corporate media weren’t turning its corrupt spotlight on those anonymous Twitter accounts, I wouldn’t even know about this dumb non-troversy.
But that’s the beauty of Twitter. You can find any narrative you want on Twitter, blow it up, and pretend it’s THE narrative. This can come in handy, especially when you’re Amazon, and you’ve spent a billion dollars to birth a stillborn like Rings of Power.
So because the first two episodes of Rings of Power stink, because no one likes the show, because the primary complaint is that Amazon followed through on its threat promise — to turn Tolkien’s beloved story into something timely rather than timeless — those of us who are unhappy with the result are Hitler.
Better still, this phony narrative allows Amazon to pretend that the cold, oily sheen breaking out all over their bodies isn’t flop-sweat. No, instead, they get to pretend it’s a righteous indignation that gives them license to practice moral exhibitionism from the high ground. To wit:
— The Lord of the Rings on Prime (@LOTRonPrime) September 7, 2022
You think you can shame us into watching your stillborn show by calling us racists?
That tweet is helpful in one important way… It’s a healthy reminder of just how poorly Rings of Power is written and how in love the show is with its moral purity. My favorite parts of that tweet read like the diary of a 13-year-old girl:
We, the cast of Rings of Power, stand together in absolute solidarity and against relentless racism, threats, harassment, and abuse some of our castmates of color are being subjected to on a daily basis. We refuse to ignore or tolerate it. … BIPOC belong in Middle-earth, and they are here to stay. [emphasis mine]
You have a billion dollars, and that’s the result? If it was me… I’m just saying if someone at Amazon were paying me to guide that terrible show, my advice would have been to tweet nothing (see: Ghostbusters, Lady). Even if this weren’t an almost wholly manufactured controversy, I’d suggest y’all show a little class, rise above it, and make the work so good people don’t notice things that don’t matter, like skin color.
But if you insisted and asked me to rewrite the tweet, I would have made it a tad less purple and obnoxious. Take the word “absolute.” Bad writing. Opening with “We.” What’s that about? And no one who lives in the real world knows what “BIPOC” means, and we’re too busy watching Yellowstone to Google it.
If it makes you feel any better… Since this is the only thing you seem to care about…. I swear on my eyes that if you had cast Rings of Power with only heterosexual white guys, it would still suck.
My advice? More focus on the writing room. Less focus on the Twitter dregs. More focus on telling a compelling story with interesting characters (as opposed to dull Mary Sues like the blonde chick). Less focus on signaling how morally righteous you are.
They say a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters will come up with at least one work worthy of Shakespeare. Amazon handed Rings of Power a billion dollars, and the best they could come up with is a show so bad that they’ve been reduced to calling the customers racist.