Tom Cruise planned to attend the Oscars until he learned Judd Apatow was helping Jimmy “Ratings Poison” Kimmel write the monologue, reports the far-left Variety.
Apatow, a nasty piece of work who appears to gain ten pounds for every flop he produces, hosted the Directors Guild of America Awards last month and spent most of that time exposing his bitter jealousy towards Cruise’s success, longevity, and youthful looks.
Apatow went well beyond satire and good-natured ribbing. Instead, he singled Cruise out for one blistering personal attack after another: [emphasis added]:
“Tom is not fine. Someone needs to explain to him something called CGI. You’re 60. Calm down,” Apatow continued. “But every time he does one of these new stunts, it does feel like an ad for Scientology. I mean, is that in Dianetics? Because there’s nothing about jumping off a cliff in the Torah.”
But Apatow wasn’t done roasting Cruise. Next, he moved onto poking fun at the actor’s family life and his opinions on mental health.
“The only thing he seems to be afraid of is co-parenting and antidepressants,” he said. “I doubled my Prozac today just for this. I doubled it! Do you think if Tom Cruise took antidepressants, he’d be like, ‘I’m not jumping out of a fucking cliff. I’m rich!’”
“The special effects in ‘Maverick’ were so top-notch,” Apatow said, “I couldn’t even see the stack of phone books Tom Cruise sat on to reach the flight controls.”
Tom Cruise is not above satire. No one is, especially someone as wealthy, powerful, and famous as Cruise. But there’s a difference between satire and meanness, between poking fun and getting personal. When you single someone out like this, you say more about yourself than your target.
Knowing how much the miserable Apatow despises him and what a cheap piece of punk Jimmy Kimmel is, you can see why Cruise stayed away. Why should he subject himself to bullying in front of a worldwide audience, especially since he is one of the few movie stars left in America, which means maintaining an image?
The good news is that Judd Apatow has it all… He’s rich, has a lovely wife and a family, and he’s still neurotic, overweight, and miserable.
Kimmel, a sexist who has used the N-word and dressed in blackface, swears he had no intention of attacking Cruise if Cruise showed up:
Kimmel, for example, had planned to spend a good chunk of his Oscars monologue riffing on how Tom Cruise had helped save the movies thanks to “Top Gun Maverick.” But when Cruise decided to bow out of this year’s event, most of those gags ended up on the cutting room floor.
Why would we not believe the same Jimmy Kimmel who spent years telling us Donald Trump colluded with Russia?
I have no idea if Tom Cruise is a nice guy or not. What I do know is that he’s a professional. He shows up, he does the job, he gives it his all, and he’s never called me a Nazi. Tom Cruise is pure showman, and that’s all I can ask of anyone in his business. Something else I know is that Judd Apatow is fat and that in fifty years, except in What Not To Do Film Class 101; no one will be watching his dreadful and disposable movies.
Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.
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