I’m just having a quick whip-round to which I know many readers will be eager to contribute: it’s to raise money to help Olly Robbins begin a new life in Belgium.
Robbins, as you know, is the senior civil servant — Theresa May’s chief Brexit adviser — who has done so much to try to help ensure that Brexit doesn’t happen and that Britain remains stuck in the European Union till the end of time.
Now we know why: it turns out Robbins’s secret ambition is to live at the very heart of the EU project as a Belgian citizen.
We learn this from a BBC4 behind-the-scenes documentary about Brexit seen from the perspective of the EU’s negotiators. In it the EU’s Brexit chief Guy Verhofstadt — the curtain-haired slimeball, as The Sun fondly calls him — says that Robbins begged him for asylum.
“Guy, can I become a Belgian citizen after this whole thing? Because I don’t think I will return.”
Perhaps it was a joke, based on how incredibly popular Robbins has made himself in Britain.
But I believe in justice — poetic justice — and it seems to me only right that after his sterling service to the EU socialist superstate the very least that Robbins deserves as a reward is to be trapped there forever growing corpulent and old on a diet of moules frites and that high alcohol beer that makes you fart and gives you thrush.
There’s a nice little district of Brussels that I think would be perfect for Olly. It’s called Molenbeek and it abounds with just the kind of vibrancy and diversity that I’m sure would appeal to a man of Robbins’s impeccably woke sensibilities. (When Olly was at Oxford, let it not be forgotten, he was known as Red Robbins and wrote an essay in praise of Soviet Russia.)
If there’s any money left over from our Send Robbins to Belgium Now campaign fund, I’d like with your permission to give it to those deserving folks at the BBC.
Yes, like you probably, I have occasionally had moments where I’ve doubted the BBC’s scrupulous objectivity in its Brexit coverage.
Research from the Institute of Economic Affairs (IEA), for example, has shown that on the BBC’s flagship politics discussion show Question Time, the panel has featured twice as many Remainers as Leavers since 2017.
But I think with this new series Brexit: Behind Closed Doors, the BBC has more than made amends.
Sure, we Brexiteers have never been in much doubt as to the contempt in which Britain has been held by the EU during these exit negotiations.
What we lacked, until this documentary came along, was the proof we needed to throw in the faces of all those Remainers who’d like to pretend that the EU is an institution which acts in good faith.
As Chris Wood says at Brexit Central, what the documentary shows us is so damning that it’s quite astonishing the violently anti-Brexit BBC chose to screen it.
We are left in no doubt about their determination, from the very beginning, to delay the process as long as possible and thwart any attempt at a successful negotiation for the UK. They mock our negotiating team and ridicule the people of this country.
Yes indeed. And what effect do we think this might have on our increasingly fractious electorate? I don’t think it’s going to make many people go: “I voted Brexit but now I’ve seen this documentary I’m more than happy to let Britain be crushed under the feet of grinning, besuited Eurocrat gimps who despise us and think we’re a joke and laugh at us behind our backs.” Do you?
So I think we all owe the BBC a huge favour. This is one of those glorious unforced errors to rank with that day when millionaire pop star Bob Geldof hired a river cruiser for a bunch of his well-heeled, champagne swilling Remainer friends and hurled insults at the flotilla of Brexit-supporting fishing boats on the Thames.
Whenever Remain or the EU — not that there’s much difference — shows its true face the sight is so ugly it creates another 10,000 ardent Brexiteers.
So thank you Olly Robbins. Thank you Guy Verhofstadt. Thank you BBC!
You’ve all done Britain a signal service!