It has been a bad PR week for the TSA, which is having its proverbial privates examined by the Internet. The TSA’s new genital examinations and X-ray scanners, known by the charming colloquial “dick measurers” by TSA personnel, have prompted horror stories from outraged citizens who choose to opt-out of the invasive and possibly dangerous X-ray scans only to be promptly felt up by TSA’s trained staff of Junk Grabbers.
It’s a good thing the TSA wouldn’t hire sex offenders. Oh, wait…
Chief Public Molestation Advocate Janet Napolitano is lamely defending the stepped up airport security, but she seems to have taken her talking points from Lois Griffin. I’ll summarize it for you: “If we can’t grab your junk, the terrorists will win.”
The TSA’s John “Tiny Pistol” Pistole took it a step further in an astonishing display of sack, arguing that we should really be blaming the outraged travelers:
“I think it’s irresponsible to say, ‘let’s opt out and not try to go through any type of security screening or something that would cause significant delays at the airport on the busiest travel day … of the year.’ “
The Drudge Report posted this (admittedly, 2007) picture under the headline “The Terrorists Have Won.” Here, a potentially dangerous and psychopathic Catholic nun terrorist who possibly hates us for our freedom is being felt up by a hijabi-clad Junk Grabber prostrate on her knees. Oh, the irony!
I don’t know if the terrorists have won, but we certainly seem to be losing.
Outraged travelers on the other hand are (ahem) taking matters into their own hands. Over the weekend, John Tyner refused to enter the X-ray scanner and was moved to the “opt out” line where he promptly told the TSA Junk Grabber that if said junk was grabbed, Tyner would have him arrested. Tyner wasn’t allowed to enter the terminal to catch his flight obviously, but was then followed through the airport and told that he would be fined $10,000 if he left the airport instead of just bending over and taking it from the TSA.
Others are suggesting more novel forms of civil disobedience. Paul Ester and numerous commenters at Reddit.com are suggesting a more amorous approach: When the Junk Grabbers feel you up, get into it! Shiver with anticipation, moan with pleasure, grind your hips and close with a polite “was it good for you too?” Make them feel as uncomfortable as possible. An interesting strategy, but one wonders whether the kind of dunderhead who would be willing to grab junk for the TSA is even capable of feeling shame.
What’s clear here is that the nitwits and deviants running TSA, Homeland Security, ICE and all of the others in the acronym stew of our security/intelligence industrial complex have lost all sense of proportionality.
On the other hand, one wonders whether their goal is less about security and more about information. Don’t step willingly into the X-ray scanner? You go on a list. Opt-out of the groping? You go on a list. Protest? You’re on the list. The TSA may not be profiling terrorists, but are they creating a database about Americans who protest the TSA?
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