Know Right-Wing Extremists By Their Bumper Stickers

TO: ALL LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES

FM: DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY

SUBJ: NATIONWIDE ALERT – KNOW RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS BY THEIR BUMPER STICKERS!

Per the Guidelines of the Department of Homeland Security’s recent report, all units and law enforcement agencies are notified to be on the lookout (BOLO) for potential Right-Wing Extremists. Since the report’s guidelines are exceedingly general and non-specific, we here at DHS will provide the necessary details in order for state and local LE officials to round up the usual suspects.

Usual Suspect

First, Right-Wing Extremists are often known to display their radical sympathies on bumper stickers. This could be as simple a matter as a Confederate flag on a pickup truck, but often involves stated extremist messages like ABORTION KILLS, BABIES ARE NOT SPARE PARTS (they are), and ADOPTION: THE CARING OPTION (it isn’t, spare parts is).

In this instance, it is best to keep a safe distance and follow the unsub’s vehicle, to where fellow right-wing extremists of like mind are no doubt plotting their next abortion clinic massacre.

In the case of bumper stickers like I’D RATHER BE TRIED BY TWELVE THAN CARRIED BY SIX, or I’LL GIVE YOU MY GUN WHEN YOU TAKE IT FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS, once again, keep a safe distance and follow the unsub’s vehicle to the Timothy McVeigh-influenced militia group of which they are a part.

If you see bumper stickers such as WHAT PART OF ILLEGAL DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, AMNESTY SUCKS or SPEAK ENGLISH, these messages indicate strong nationalist, and most likely racist, tendencies of the unsubs driving these vehicles.

Stop the vehicle and ask the driver just what exactly he/she meant by it. On the off-chance the driver is an illegal alien, and the bumper sticker a remnant of its past right-wing extremist owner, follow standard procedure and give the undocumented immigrant a pass, no questions asked.

Some Right-Wing Extremist bumper stickers indicate hostility toward the Federal Government, and even the Obamamessiah himself. It is these radicals who represent the most clear and present danger to our Republic, as well as to law enforcement officers themselves. Let’s face it. If they don’t love Washington, you think they care about cops?

Such bumper messages as TIME FOR A TEA PARTY, DON’T TAX ME, BRO, PORKULUS PIG, DON’T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR McCAIN, or other similar anti-government and anti-Messiah messages, should be a red flag to all LE officers nationwide. Approach with extreme caution. Deadly Force is authorized. It may have taken us a few days to authorize the killing of pirates, but we know who the real enemies of America are here. You have Carte Blanche.

Should you encounter any bumper stickers indicating military service, unit designation, or general pro-military sympathies, flip a coin. They could go either way.

Though you may encounter some extremist-appearing bumper stickers like KILL BUSH, NO BLOOD FOR OIL, WHO WOULD JESUS TORTURE, WAR IS NOT PRO-LIFE, LA RAZA, BILL AYERS IS THE BOMB or bumper stickers that bear the Aztlan or ‘reconquista’ emblem, ignore them.

Those aren’t the droids we’re looking for.