Ann Coulter: Literally Shaking

Until the nationwide protests of the last few days, I had no idea how bad the problem was, but our nation is drowning in drama queenly.

The immediate reaction of most celebrities to Trump’s victory was: “THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR MY TAKE ON THE ELECTION!”

Aaron Sorkin and David Remnick, in matching pink housecoats and fuzzy slippers, wrote hysterical jeremiads about the cataclysm of Trump’s election.

Sorkin was especially irked that Trump was supported by white men who don’t appreciate rap music. As proof that the end was near, he triumphantly reported: “The Dow futures dropped 700 points overnight.” After a brief drop, the Dow surged to historic highs, recording its biggest weekly gain in five years.

But I can’t wait to read the letters these guys wrote to their children about Bill Clinton! Don’t leave us hanging guys — post those, too, please.

In Hiplandia, “I couldn’t stop crying!” and “I vomited!” are dispositive proof that Trump is a bad man — not that these people are mentally unbalanced. Their own paranoia is cited to show how evil their enemies are.

It’s supposed to say something about Trump that people are posting little homilies titled: “How to Tell a Child Donald Trump Won the Election.” (Google produces 60 million hits for that idea.)

In fact, that tells us nothing whatsoever about Trump, but does tell us that liberal parents are intentionally raising neurotics by telling their children that they are living in Nazi Germany.

Americans who make $20,000 a year are made fun of by Samantha Bee for going to Wal-Mart.

These are all people who will knife one another in the back to get their kids into $50,000-a-year all-white preschools. But they think they’re less racist than other Americans because of their pleasant interactions with Rosa when she comes to clean.

In the modern Democratic Party, out-of-work coal miners are constantly denounced for their “privilege” by half-black girls at Yale — who wouldn’t have gotten in without the black half — and who will be paid a quarter-million dollars as the “diversity coordinator” at some Fortune 500 corporation.

Apparently the new method of developing opinions is to figure out what’s trendy and allowing celebrities and comedians to act as your personal shoppers.

I’m just so busy, I don’t have time to know things. Could you help me pick out my views?

Absolutely! I’ve got some great opinions for you. How do you like, “I can’t believe this is my country” or “I am literally shaking”?

Oh yes, I love those –- that looks great on me!

This is why the snowflakes are smashing windows, beating up Trump supporters and calling for the assassination of Trump and the rape of his wife. If you’ve ever wondered how France’s Reign of Terror happened, observe the anti-Trump protests — the main result of which is to convince people who had misgivings about voting for Trump that they did the right thing.

Trump is denounced for his alleged “racism, homophobia, sexism, anti-Semitism, Islamaphobia!”

No one stops to think: Wait a minute! These are all groups Trump has showered with affection, with the exception of Muslim immigrants — who persecute the other four.

This is the mob’s muscle memory kicking in, as when Sen. Patty Murray reached for her mental file on “Good Things a Leader Can Do” and ended up praising Osama bin Laden after 9/11 for “building day care facilities, building health care facilities.” The protesters are pulling out slogans from their “Things We Pretend to Hate” file.

All this is the consequence of the Democratic Party’s decision in the 1970s to get rid of all the normal people. Back when the party contained a large segment of the working class, there was a safety valve. They couldn’t afford to be associated with airhead celebrities pushing insane ideas. Mayor Richard Daley, for example, did not travel to Cuba or brag about his friendship with Daniel Ortega.

But then the head of the auto union had to be kicked out of the party because he was “anti-choice.”

Really? But he’s been a Democrat for 18 years … 

Well, maybe it’s time we hear from the REST of America!

Unfortunately, the rest of America wasn’t large enough for Democrats to win elections. So they had to import Third World immigrants to vote for them.

Trump’s election is the Doomsday Scenario for Democrats because they were just on the verge of turning the whole country into California through mass immigration. Then they’d never have to think about those hicks in the icky parts of the country ever again. It would be so much better to be able to win elections by whipping up resentment toward white people.

Last year, old lefty Bernie Sanders said mass immigration was a disaster for the working class, driving down their wages. He called open borders “a Koch brothers idea.”

Representing the modern, yuppified Democratic Party, the low-testosterone boys at Vox went nuts. Dylan Matthews sneeringly cited the many benefits of mass immigration — to wit: cheap gardeners, maids and nannies. He also compared a pro-American immigration policy to the massacre of “10,000 foreign civilians to save a single American life.”

He didn’t say it, but I got the distinct impression that Dylan was “literally shaking.”