Welcome to the Dangerous Faggot Tour! My name is Milo Yiannopoulos, the supervillain of the internet and the future owner of 4chan.org.
Now before we get to my favorite subject, which is myself, we have to discuss someone even more fabulous than me.
Of course, I can only mean one man: Daddy. Didn’t he do wonderfully at the debate yesterday? The only time Hillary was more upset was during the White House’s annual round of intern hires.
Trump is now a changed, reformed man of course. But in his wilder days, he might describe what happened last night as a brutal schlonging.
I mean, it had everything. He said Hillary should be in jail, he brought Bill’s victims into the audience, and he insulted the moderator. It was perfect. I love him so much.
As some of you may be aware, I was in New York City on Saturday to participate in a landmark art show, the first art show EVER specifically in favor of a republican candidate for president. We did a good job for Daddy, and I am incredibly pleased to have participated with my own avant garde performance art.
New York can be mighty queer!
In New York I was in a bathtub of pig’s blood to protest the deaths of Americans at the hands of illegal aliens, Islamic terrorists, and lax policing.
It would be easy to dismiss my performance art as attention seeking. As if anyone could ever seriously accuse me of attention seeking! But it was a sincere work that points out the victims of leftist policies.
If you think illegal immigration is a problem only for the battlefields of Chicago and other big cities, or in the accounting offices trying to determine how to pay for the welfare benefits we stupidly give to illegals, you are wrong. This problem exists right here in Alabama too.
In a last act of my performance art, I would like to hold a moment of silence for 19 year old Tad Mattle and 16 year old Leigh Anna Jimmerson from Huntsville, Alabama, who were killed in 2009 by a drunk driving illegal alien who had previously been arrested and was still allowed to remain in the country.
Let’s take a moment to remember these Alabamans, who never had the opportunity to attend The University of Alabama or any other college.
Of course, that’s not the only moment of solemnity we have to have today. Because today marks the day of a great tragedy. Yes, it’s Columbus Day.
Yes… Five hundred and twenty four years ago, Columbus came and discovered America. And as you can see, the results were disastrous!
[SLIDE: Teepee Next To New York Skyline]
Moving on, I am very pleased to be back in the south, where I have spent the last month on tour. You’ll probably assume it’s the southern charms of polite and friendly people, beautiful scenery, and incredibly wonderful food which I sneak into the tour bus when my personal trainer isn’t looking, but it is actually just the men…. All the hot black men are in the south and no one told me!!!!
But tonight we’re going to be talking about a black man I find less attractive: intellectually, politically, and … well you know…
It’s President Obama, and how he’s just turned the internet over to monsters.
What did Obama give away? What was transferred from US control to the control of….well…. No one is quite sure yet….. Is ICANN, the Internet Corporation for Assigning Names and Numbers.
ICANN makes hundreds of millions of dollars for controlling the naming on the Internet. In essence, they coordinate the names and numbered IP addresses of the entire Internet.
Now bear with me for a minute, because I know you’re all shitposters. The extent of your knowledge and interest in how the Internet works is how to get to porn, memes, and my youtube page. And 4chan of course — don’t worry, I’m working on saving it.
But tonight we have to discuss a less exciting, but possibly more important aspect of the internet.
If you’ve ever wondered why you can type in a web address, like Twitter.com, from anywhere in the world and reach the same page, it’s because of ICANN.
Twitter may be a bad example actually. It’s lost its most interesting and handsome user, fewer and fewer people use it, and the address might not exist much longer if they can’t find a buyer…. But you get the point.
Let’s compare the Internet to how people used to learn information, reading books. Does anyone here still read books? I guess some of you do — given that you’re here at my talk, you are after all the students who still use your brains.
So authors write books and publishers publish them. What would ICANN do in this case? They wouldn’t be bookstores or libraries, and they aren’t trucks carrying books to the stores or delivering them. Rather, they’d ensure that anytime you picked up a book with a certain title by a certain author, you would get a copy of the correct book.
You could look up the book I am writing — which will be amazing, by the way — and the ICANN of books would ensure that whether it was on amazon, your local bookseller, or a library, anywhere in the world, it would be the right book. On the Internet that is called DNS, and ICANN controls it. They would also have oversight on what title you choose for your book, by the way.
I see some eyes glazing over, so I will wrap this section up with the important fact of how ICANN has operated. ICANN is a non-profit in California with a US government contract. They act as a monopoly, and have anti-trust exemption because of the US government’s involvement.
I know you’re all conservatives, but rest assured that this is one instance in which the government has actually done a good job!
Most crucially, because of U.S government involvement, ICANN must follow the first amendment — that pesky little law that authoritarians and the regressive left love to hate.
Or rather, they used to. Because, thanks to Obama, ICANN is no longer in this great country’s hands.
Who did Obama give it to?
Obama is the sort of American that believes everything about his own country is bad. You know the type. You’ve probably met them in your gender studies department. He has worked to give away American control throughout his presidency, it started with bowing to world leaders all the time.
His giveaway of ICANN might not even be constitutional, but then again, that’s never stopped Obama before, has it?
The short answer on who is taking over ICANN is that it is unclear. There are vague reports of a multinational organization. This is globalism in action ladies and gentlemen.
Power handed over to opaque, vaguely-defined organizations free from any accountability.
Tellingly, Google and all the usual Silicon Valley suspects are in favor of this change. They are the Soros types — the ones who are happy to use their power to impose their wacky progressive worldviews on everyone else.
The other candidate isn’t a corporation, or a government, but something much worse — the United Nations.
Former US Ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton recently said in an interview that within 10 years the Internet will be under UN control, and that the Internet as we know it will end.
Those in favor of UN control of the government will usually say the same thing [whiney tone] “Information wants to be free, man, and it’s like…. TOTALLY wrong for the evil United States to monopolize it.”
There is some truth there. Information and the Internet wants to be free – but only America has kept it free for so long. Only America with the first amendment has a true ideological and legal commitment to free speech. Countries around the world block portions of the internet and work to control what their citizens see, but the internet itself stayed free because ICANN was forced by the US government to keep it that way.
Now, that will no longer be the case. Heaven help you if you are someone the member states of UN are not particularly fond of say…. Oh…… a dangerous faggot.
These are countries known for their kebabs and murderous religious fanatics.
And the cancer is spreading.
In 2012 a UN treaty on Internet governance was signed by 89 countries. It wasn’t signed by the US, because the US objected to language about international control of Internet governance.
The head of the delegation said “The US has consistently believed and continues to believe that the UN treaty should not extend to Internet governance or content.”
It only took four years for Obama to realize that his administration had actually done something good for freedom, and reverse it.
In the words of one of my Breitbart colleagues, we are giving up control of the internet so that Turkey has as much say as America. We are doing that because Obama and friends thinks it is noble, that it is right to give all countries, no matter how despotic, a voice in managing the Internet.
We know this is wrong. These countries don’t deserve a voice on controlling the internet, because their M.O is censorship, oppression, and shadowy globalism.
Let’s take a look at the Rogue’s gallery who will now control the Internet.
The Chinese in America are quite successful. Asian men, for example, have the highest average annual salaries in the United States. So much for white privilege!
Some of the early pioneers of the Internet as we know it today were Chinese, like Jerry Yang who started Yahoo.
Yahoo, of course, was once a great company, long before one of my favorite terrible female CEOs, Marissa Meyer, took the helm.
But China’s government is far more sinister and dangerous than its immigrants. After decades of murdering and starving their citizens, the Chinese turned their attention to controlling the internet.
We have all heard of the great firewall of China, the complex methods China uses to filter vast portions of the Internet and block their citizenry from accessing information we take for granted. But that is just the start!
In July, China banned online reporting. That would be “bye bye Breitbart”. If you’re in China, only news from the government can be seen on the web now.
You may think this is too far-fetched, but don’t you think that Democratic administrations would love to shut down Breitbart? After all, Hillary Clinton talked about it in her alt-right speech, where she named my wonderful headlines as examples of wrongthink!
China isn’t even waiting for the UN to take over the Internet to mess around with it. China approached the owners of the .XYZ domain, which is now the fourth largest domain behind .com,.org and .net, to censor 12,000 words. They wanted to make sure no .xyz domains with politically unwelcome names would ever exist.
For China, banned words include terms like “Democracy” and “Liberty”. China and by extension the UN want an internet where a website cannot be called MiloForDemocracy.xyz and that is not the Internet you want to be on.
Chinese citizens also have to be very careful what they post on social media, or they will be silenced.
One quarter of the humans connected to the Internet live in China. Just imagine what that means. Except for the most clever and risk taking among them, one quarter of web users live a muzzled existence, cut off from the free flow of information and ideas.
And a monitored one, of course. The ultimate goal of China and the UN is straight out of 1984. You don’t know you’ve violated the law until you’ve been charged by the authorities.
We should be challenging this country over its censorship, not giving it more power.
Russia will assist China in ruining the Internet with the heavy hand of censorship. Russian Internet censorship rose 900 percent in 2015 according to human rights groups.
One of the clever rules they’ve developed is that any blogger that has more than 3000 readers must register with the government using all of their personal information, including their addresses. It’s a not-very-subtle way of telling potentially influential dissidents: “we know where you live.”
The Russian and Chinese model, followed by a growing number of nations, is to shut down so-called “extremist” and “subversive” websites. The definition of extremist and subversive is completely up to the government.
Again, “bye bye Breitbart,” and bye bye dissidents, and anything else on the internet that globalists and authoritarian regimes deem to be “subversive.”
Why do we want corrupt officials and government cronies dictating what content is extremist and subversive?
And what about countries like Turkey? If a globalist behemoth like the U.N gets its claws on the internet, that will mean a backwards country like Turkey will have as much say as England. And Turkey’s internet policies are as ugly as an overused goat’s butthole.
Turkey loves silencing social media, like Facebook and Youtube. And not just during coups either!
Isn’t it amazing that a country that has coups every second decade, that censors the internet, and has an Islamist President is a candidate for joining the European Union? These are supposed to be the “good Muslims.” I’m not impressed.
Turkey has the sharia-compliant Twitter wrapped around their finger. They get whatever journalist they want booted off Twitter, and are the world leader for getting citizens banned from the platform.
They also made it illegal to insult the president, and some poor bastard was arrested for making a meme comparing Turkish President Erdogan to Gollum.
Most likely it is the first arrest in history for a meme. And it was an original one too! I mean, I know this will offend some of you, but after the 1 millionth Harambe joke I was in the mood for arresting people too.
Turkey, like many countries, believe they have a sovereign right to control what information their citizens reach on the Internet. This is the opposite of what the Internet represents: the free exchange of information. And now, it is incontrovertible that Turkey and countries like it will have a greater say on how the Internet works. THANKS OBAMA!
Last, Saudi Arabia. Look, I couldn’t possibly put this together without including Saudi Arabia. They are Hillary and Huma’s BFFs, after all.
Saudi Arabia follows the latest censorship tactics from the bad guys I’ve already mentioned.
In 2014 they had 400,000 websites blocked, I wonder what the total is now? I’ve found that block lists, whether they’re from authoritarian regimes or triggered feminists only tend to get larger, not smaller. The lists always balloon, because censorship is both seductive and addicting.
Much of the blocking is requested by religious leaders, and Saudi Arabia says its censorship is defending Islamic values.
Presumably they aren’t censoring the pedophile sites then!
So while the west is flooded with muslim refugees who seek benefits in exchange for rape and murder, you can expect the Internet of the future to be as Sharia-Compliant as Twitter is today.
I doubt they will find Tinder and Grindr to be very halal. In fact most porn is probably in danger, at least if the performers are over the age of nine.
Ironically they will probably be perfectly fine with sites featuring interspecies action.
Who on earth thinks letting Muslim nations have a say on how the Internet runs and what sort of sites should be allowed is a good idea? Your president, Barack Obama.
As I said earlier, control of the Internet will probably end up with the United Nations. There are lots of problems with that.
One of them is that the UN loves taking up kooky feminist causes. If you thought Mugabe addressing the United Nations was bad, check these dykes out:
If Anita Sarkeesian doesn’t like being called an odious mendacious c**t, maybe she should stop being an odious mendacious c**t. It’s not about her gender, it’s about the bullshit that comes out of her mouth.
A feminist controlled Internet is very dangerous. They hate masculinity, they hate men, and they also hate a nebulous term they use, “Cyber-Violence.”
Cyber-violence, like “online harassment” and other terms cooked up by loopy feminist activists, is defined as anything that hurts feminists’ feelings. Imagine the UN censoring everything that makes women unhappy.
I mean, Chinese censorship is almost better! In their case at least you only have to worry about the Politburo’s feelings, which are relatively stable. They don’t go completely mental once a month.
In late 2015 the UN put out a completely insane report called “Cyber Violence Against Women And Girls: A Global Wake-up Call” which said:
“A cyber-touch is recognised as equally as harmful as a physical touch.”
If only Father Michael had JUST cyber touched me when I was five — I wouldn’t be such a fag.
In their press release, UN Women claim that “cyber violence … places a premium on emotional bandwidth.”
The report was so poorly put together that many references were left blank, and one, in fact, linked to one of the researchers’ local hard drives. These people want to censor the internet and they don’t even know how it works!
Can you imagine what would happen if this organization got a hold of the internet? We’d have to hope that their incompetence is stronger than their will to censor.
That might just be the case. After all, the UN is notable for fucking up everything it sticks its nose into.
Control of the Internet is like virginity. Once you give it away, you will never ever EVER get it back. That’s why I carefully picked a special, romantic occasion — an interracial fivesome with two drag queens.
America must control the Internet for the good of the entire world. Free speech is the essential component of freedom, and both in this country and around the world people must be able to speak out, learn, and participate in Internet culture.
We must be able to do so without the control of Russia, China, and the Muslim world. We should be fighting those nations for control of the internet, not giving in.
Thanks to the Obama administration, we must now add the Internet to the list of things that Donald Trump must save for America. I don’t put much hope in congress stopping ICANN. After all, the Republican caucus still includes Paul Ryan.
It’s up to daddy, and to all of us, to fix this. Vote for Trump, spread the word, and educate your fellow students so they don’t wake up one day to find that their favorite porn sites and the Milo homepage, which should be the same thing, are banned from the Internet.