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Media Goes Locker Room on Bachmann


Every man is familiar with that grade school taunt reserved for a woman standing up for herself: “What are you, on your PERIOD?” It is probably one of the worst insults that can be leveled against a woman, so much, that any man using it will assure himself of a easy escape path, before unleashing the verbal equivalent of a nuclear assault.

It leads in to an old tasteless joke that if a woman ever becomes President there will be a war every 28 days. I don’t know a lot about headaches but I do know they can be related to menstrual cycles. (In fact I think a lot of men are well aware of that.) The recent media led attack on Michele Bachman, is nothing more than a journalistic version of that adolescent taunt.

It plays into a negative stereotype of women, that’s almost as common as a barefooted pregnancy: a hysterical woman on the couch with blinders on her eyes, and a cold compress over her forehead. Migraines are the reason why Victorian parlors had fainting couches.

Rather than spread rumors, journalists should be investigating whether there might be a Federal Crime involved, since the medical information of Americans is subject to confidentiality regulations. Ever since Bill Clinton passed HIPPA, it has been illegal to release the personal information of a Democrat. That’s why we know nothing about the blood pressure of a fifty-year-old African-American; who has affection for beer, cigarettes, and cheeseburgers; and lives with his mother in law.

Personally I think that medical information is important before an election, considering it’s a well known fact that high blood pressure can lead to heart attacks, stroke and worst of all, a Biden Presidency. It is amazing to me that the American Journalists have been able to find this private detail about Michelle Bachmann’s medical records, but we still don’t know whether the President even wrote his own books.

I don’t think that there is anything particular to migraines that could hinder any of the required Presidential duties, except that Michele might play a little less golf. It is ironic that in during the most vacationed Administration in History, there is suddenly concern over a candidate that might need to lie down every so often.

It’s almost funny, that something so minor might be used to disqualify Representative Bachmann. The medications Michele takes, work in about a half hour, which is roughly the time it took a previous President to hold an informal meeting with an intern.

The big fear, is that is eating at the minds of many journalists has nothing to do with the actual headaches, it is a fear that we might get a candidate who has actually read the United States Constitution. We would also get a President with a good excuse for throwing like a girl. And ultimately, an occasional headache in the White House is far less a problem, than the 330 million headaches the nation has been experiencing since 2008.

Michele Bachmann isn’t the illness — she’s a cure.


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