Last week, Adam Carolla’s new book, President Me, hit bookstores across the country. As someone who routinely gets books for free, it’s rare that I shell out actual hard-earned currency for a tome – but that’s what I did for Carolla’s newest.
Totally worth it.
Here are the top six political moments from President Me. Be prepared – it’s Carolla, which means that the more-than-occasional un-politically correct terminology will be utilized. Which makes it that much more awesome.
Carolla On Traffic: “Our current government doesn’t give a f*** about transportation. They only give a f*** about making money. When it comes to synchronizing the traffic lights and cutting down on that lost time sitting in traffic, they don’t have the IQ for that. But when it comes to stuff that makes them money – chickens*** tickets, parking meters, and speed traps – they’re all Lex Luthor. They turn into diabolical mad geniuses.”
Anyone who lives in Los Angeles knows the truth of this statement. Law enforcement in Los Angeles doesn’t get any plaudits for lowering crime. But they do ensure their pensions if they write tickets for the smallest possible infractions – infractions which are not consistently enforced. Which is why the LA City Council paid out a $6 million settlement to cops who said they were forced to write tickets to meet quotas. Which is hilarious, given that we pay tax money so that the cops can write us tickets, then pay them more tax money when they sue because they had to write us tickets.
On Parenting: “I guaran-f***ing-tee that the problem with all those l’il criminals on the bus is absent fathers….This is going to be the undoing of our society and I’m the only one with the balls to say something about it. I was incensed during the 2013 State of the Union when President Obama said his administration would do more to ‘encourage fatherhood,’ adding ‘because what makes you a man isn’t having the ability to conceive a child but having the courage to raise one.’ The courage?! It’s not storming the beaches of Normandy.”
Carolla adds, “If you’re going to have a kid I’m going to pay for, I should get to f*** your wife.”
On The Victimhood Mentality: Quoting Rep. Grace Napolitano (D-CA), who blamed her campaign corruption on supposed racism from the banking industry, Carolla says, “This is just a line you’re feeding your constituents so they remain hopeless and helpless. That way you can come in as the nonwhite knight and claim to protect them when in fact you’re filling your pockets with their contributions and not doing s*** for them. Keep shoveling this bulls*** so it just becomes their mentality and then becomes their excuse for not doing anything with their life.”
On The “School-to-Prison Pipeline”: “This is the narcissism of the left when it comes to the issue of education. You want to feel better by ‘defending’ the poor people, but you won’t actually spend your time doing something to help….Please continue to preach to me about my racism while you drive your kids to a Santa Monica private school, you f***ing hypocrite.”
This weekend, Democratic strategist Donna Brazile said that Americans should stop worrying about public education – “school privatization,” she said, was the real problem, because of voluntary racial resegregation. Which, of course, helps no one, but sounds nice.
On Obamacare: “Why would we trust the government to create an insurance system when that same government wrote a tax code that’s harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Dr. Seuss? Has this bureaucratic pig f*** ever proven itself to be efficient or competent?”
On the TSA: “Speaking of respect, in a Carolla administration the TSA would treat the citizens with a f***load more of it. I might just be extra-jaded because my home airport is LAX – ground zero for rude, incoherent, condescending, light-in-the-IQ-department screeners. I travel the country extensively and have had emotional whiplash from the screeners in other airports.”
That’s just scratching the surface. His epic take on foreign policy is worth the price of admission. So is his analysis of ceiling fans, his take on men wearing bracelets, and his commentary on bumper stickers.
Buy it now. It’s epic.
Ben Shapiro is Senior Editor-At-Large of Breitbart News and author of the New York Times bestseller “Bullies: How the Left’s Culture of Fear and Intimidation Silences America” (Threshold Editions, January 8, 2013). He is also Editor-in-Chief of TruthRevolt.org. Follow Ben Shapiro on Twitter @benshapiro.