Britain isn't a Christian country. Claim the usual, intolerant, lefty, Gaia-worshipping, Guardianista suspects
Yesterday in church I prayed for God to smite with his mighty sword of truth and justice all the heathens and grandstanding liberal secularists and surrender-monkey cultural relativists, and verily to dash out their brains and crush their minuscule testicles with His trampling feet of vengeance.
No, not really. But having seen the pompous letter a bunch of these miscreant luvvies have written to today's Telegraph, I rather wish I had.
The letter takes issue with David Cameron's characterisation of Britain as a "Christian country." All right, so I share the authors' scepticism about Cameron's motives: a shameless attempt, surely, to regain some of the ground he lost with many churchgoers over his championing of gay marriage. But to say that Britain is not a Christian country is to deny at least 1700 years of history, culture and tradition.
As evidence of their case, the authors cite various surveys which show that "most of us as individuals are not Christian in
our beliefs or our religious identities." But so what? We may not self-identify very strongly as Christians, but when push comes to shove - birth, deaths, marriage, and maybe a crib service at Christmas - we're still quite happy to partake of the church's traditions and rituals.
Our monarch is the Supreme Governor of the Church of England. We like it when the Archbishop of Canterbury blesses our troops as they go to war and prays for the fallen in services of remembrance afterwards. We love our churches and cathedrals. We are a Christian nation, just not a particularly fervent Christian nation, for such is our nature. It's the British way.
What really sticks in the craw though is these round-robin-signing public intellectuals' claim that "constantly" saying Britain is a Christian country "fosters alienation and division in our society" and that it "needlessly fuels enervating sectarian debates." Such absolute rot.
The fact is that Christianity is almost never discussed publicly in Britain these days (which is why Cameron's remarks were considered noteworthy) because Christians - and that includes most of our church leaders - operate in a politically correct culture so antipathetical to their belief system they scarcely dare do so.
And if anyone is creating "alienation and division in our society", it's these grisly, right-on Dawkins-worshippers with their strident and militant secularism.
Like a lot of C of E members in this country, I'm not a regular churchgoer and I'm not particularly devout. But when I saw some of the names attached to these miserable letter, I felt like putting on a cilice under my red-crossed tunic and mailcoat and heading off on a crusade against these toerags.
They include: Philip Pullman - whingeing lefty author who buggered up the otherwise brilliant His Dark Materials trilogy by banging on tediously in the final book about his loathing of Christianity.
Professor Steve Jones - whingeing lefty snails expert, paid a fortune by the BBC to churn out a rubbishy report defending its indefensibly biased coverage of the climate change debate.
Simon Singh - Britain's fourth most famous celebrity mathematician (after Johnny Ball, Carol Vorderman and Marcus Du Sautoy)
Professor Jim Al-Khalili - presenter of an ineffably tedious Radio 4 interview programme in which scientists are treated like high priests and anyone who believes in the man-made global warming religion gets a free pass to spout whatever drivel they want, Al-Khalili knowing no better.
Tim Minchin - Australian. Wears eye-liner a bit like a younger Alice Cooper.
Dr Evan Harris. Seriously? SERIOUSLY, guys? You wanted to put together a list of thoughtful opinion formers and you thought Dr Evan Harris would add to your credibility?
Anyway, I could go on, right through the list but there's no point. It's the usual suspects, many with links to the Guardian, many also self-proclaimed "skeptics" - that is, they are "skeptical" of anyone who doesn't believe fervently in their newly-invented religion of climate change and man-made global warming. Which is quite odd, isn't it? These people calling for religious tolerance are in fact some of the most shrilly intolerant figures you will find in public debate in Britain.
Still, God hates them and they're all going to boil in eternal hellfire - (I think, though I can't be sure, that He particularly hates Tim Minchin) - so that's a nice consolation to keep us all going through Easter Monday, eh?