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Flynn: The Party of Hexes, Spirit Cooking, and Alternate Nasal Breathing

Hillary Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta likened the Trump White House to a “clown car” in that “you are never sure who is getting out of the door” Thursday night on All in with Chris Hayes, an MSNBC program hosted by a zealous Democrat who just as zealously embraces the look of a Hale-Bopp Heaven’s Gate cultist.

To strange people, people appear strange.

Take Podesta, a UFO aficionado whose truth is out there. He kept a picture of two fork-wielding men cannibalizing another man at a table, entitled “We’re Bringing an Old Friend over for Dinner,” at his office at Hillary Clinton’s Brooklyn campaign headquarters. During that campaign, news hit of Podesta’s invitation to a “spirit cooking” dinner by a performance artist, herself invited by Podesta to Hillary Clinton’s campaign kickoff, who dabbles in the occult. Though a past book and performances under the “spirit cooking” title involved such jaw-droppers as breast-milk-mixed-with-sperm potions and pigs-blood graffiti, Marina Abramovic insists the event she invited the Brothers Podesta to under that name involved no sorcery, spells, or strangeness.

When the campaign Podesta oversaw fell short of its goal, Hillary Clinton, as her campaign chairman spoke in her stead under a glass ceiling on election night, reportedly banged tables, shouted words that perhaps sounded like frock or truck to those in an adjoining room, and hurled items about with Aroldis Chapmanlike velocity. Nowadays she goes for something called “alternate nostril breathing” to escape stress.

One of Hillary Clinton’s biggest cheerleaders in the sisterhood (members of the sisterhood hate real cheerleaders), Sally Quinn, outed herself as a practitioner of witchcraft in a memoir released this month. Ben Bradlee’s widow and one of Washington’s most famous hostesses insists she put hexes in candlelight rituals on three people who subsequently died. After a psychic provided a bad reading regarding her son, Quinn unleashed her evil wizardry on the unfortunate woman, who soon died, causing the Washington Post writer to swear off hexes for good. She noted, “I vowed once again never to put another hex on anyone.” But she has made that vow before, for instance, after hexing a romantic rival who committed suicide thereafter (write her memoir a one-star review at your own risk). So, if you find yourself staring at Sally Quinn staring at you doing the Samantha Stevens nose-twitch, then with extreme haste obtain the nearest magic mirror or protective decoy puppet to negate the necromancy. Your life could depend on it (You’re welcome).

Why did 62,984,825 Americans cram into Donald Trump’s clown car last November? Because it looked like a safer, better means of transportation than the broomstick ridden by his opponent. Ridiculous beats evil. And to many Americans, leading Democrats strike them not only as evil but alien. When your party’s leading lights wield dark powers of a supernatural sort, or even just favor bizarro, avant-garde art or see extraterrestrials behind every evening cloud, do not count on them wielding power in the White House, Congress, or the Supreme Court. Democrats stand on the outside looking in because Americans connected more with a billionaire than they did with the weirdos and warlocks casting spells on him in monthly waning-moon rituals.

The party of spirt cooking, alternate nasal breathing, and fatal hexes regards the opposition as passengers in a clown car chauffeured by Donald Trump. This characterization might hit the mark. But even in the aftermath of Steven King’s It, Americans still prefer the clown car to the witches’ coven.

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