Police Departments Pursue Fugitives by Urging Exes to Rat Them Out on Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day! You’re going to jail.

That is the message several police departments urged the ex-lovers of wanted felons to send, in what can only be called serious payback for a relationship gone bad.

Washington state’s Clark County Sheriff’s Department, just north of Portland, Oregon, took to video to make the Valentine’s Day suggestion, saying for the romantic holiday they were offering a “warrant wellness check.”

In Massachusetts, the Uxbridge Police Department posted on Facebook a tongue-in-cheek poem urging the act of revenge against exes with active warrants.

“Roses are red, violets are blue,” the post began. “If your ex has a warrant, we’ve got something special for you.”

Uxbridge is a historic town of about 14,000 located some 40 miles southwest of Boston.

The small town put no limits on the police department’s creativity.

The post continued, “This Valentine’s Day, give the gift that really delivers — a ride with flashing lights and guaranteed closure,” the post continued.

The department’s shield was backed by scores of pink hearts in the graphic art, which also included the message, “Have an ex with a warrant? We can’t fix your love life. But we *can* help with outstanding warrants. Send us their whereabouts — we’ll make sure they get a Valentine’s Day visit.”

The post concluded, “Love fades. Warrants don’t.”

The graphic also featured the image of a jail cell and the department’s phone number.

In Bradenton, on the west coast of Florida, the police department put up a similar post on Friday the 13th, urging bad luck tidings to toxic exes.

“Looking for a last-minute, unique Valentine’s Day surprise for a former lover that you can’t get out of your mind?” it said. “The Bradenton Police Department would love for you to rat out your ex.”

It added, “We can’t fix your love life … but we can help you move on in the sweetest way possible. Help us keep our community safe while mending your broken heart.”

In California, the Santa Maria Police Department, an hour north of Santa Barbara, posted a video of an officer opening a heart-shaped box, only to reveal a pair of handcuffs.

“Still thinking about that ex with a felony warrant? Give us a call,” the video caption reads.

Contributor Lowell Cauffiel is the best-selling author of the Los Angeles crime novel Below the Line and nine other crime novels and nonfiction titles. See lowellcauffiel.com for more.