Anyone who doubts Marvel’s ability to continue its unprecedented winning streak is a fool, but there is no question that a Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) without Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, and Ant-Man, is going to be a very different Marvel Universe — oh, and it’s going to be a very woke universe.
Marvel offered the Comic-Con geeks a look at the future, a detailed rollout of what’s known as Phase Four, and here’s what it looks like…
First up in May of 2020 is Black Widow, a prequel and origin story for Scarlett Johansson’s Natasha Romanoff, who first entered the MCU in 2010’s underrated Iron Man 2. I trust this will be better than the Romanoff flashbacks, which were the worst part of Avengers: Age of Ultron (as were the Thor flashbacks).
Black Widow is directed by a woman, Cate Shortland, who directed some stuff no one ever heard of, but she’s a woman and Marvel’s woke, so all we can hope for is that Johansson (who is a producer) isn’t afraid to be sexy, because I’m getting a little tired of Marvel’s sexless universe.
In November of 2020, The Eternals arrives, with Angelina Jolie starring, someone who is definitely not afraid to be sexy. For those of you who don’t know, the Eternals are an immortal race of aliens created by the Celestials sent to Earth to protect us from the Deviants and I feel like I’ve already seen this movie.
Oh, and the rumor is that someone will be gay. Let’s all hope its Jolie and another hot chick, because if it’s a couple of guys, I’m gunna have to pass.
Next up… Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings in February of 2021.
A Chinese writer. A Chinese director. A Chinese cast. A yuge Chinese market. A Hollywood willing to sell its artistic soul to placate the Red Chinese. I expect great things.
Then comes Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness in May of 2021, which is supposedly a horror flick.
I kind of hated the original Doctor Strange and have little regard for superheroes who shoot light out of their hands because there’s never any rhyme or reason to it.
Marvel’s third 2021 feature will arrive in November and be called Thor: Love and Thunder, which will star that Hemsworth guy and Natalie Portman as a Lady Thor.
Valkyrie, the character played by Tessa Thompson, will also come out of the closet as a lesbian or transsexual and, even though she’s a girl, will become the KING of Asgard, who is in search of a Queen.
Kill me now.
Other than that, we also know that sometime in the future, two-time Oscar winner Mahershala Ali will try (and fail) to replace The Mighty Wesley Snipes as Blade.
Hey, how about casting Snipes as Whistler?
And naturally, there will be a Black Panther sequel, a third Guardians of the Galaxy, and more Captain Marvel, but only if star Brie Larson is able to remove that six-foot steel pole from her rather flat backside.
Oh, and yet-another Fantastic Four reboot, and more Spider-Man.
Is it just me, or does this line-up sound more like homework than fun?