“Sanjay Gupta is safe, but much of the rest of CNN’s Atlanta-based staff that covers health care found out Tuesday they are getting pink slips,” reports Fox News.
Some of you might recall that it was just a few weeks ago that CNN promised its employees, “There are no mass layoffs at CNN. I have no idea where that crazy rumor came from.”
Yeah, gee, where could that crazy rumor about mass layoffs have come from?
Could it have come from CNN’s mass layoffs?
You see, CNN made that statement just after we learned the fake news network was cutting over a hundred jobs. But CNN told us that those jobs cuts weren’t layoffs … they were “buyouts.”
“We have recently offered a voluntary buyout option for employees, and just over 100 people voluntarily decided to take it. That’s it,” a snippy executive vice president told Fox News on May 7.
Yep, CNN even spreads fake news about itself.
Hey, come on, we’re all adults here, and we all know how the real world works… If “buyouts” aren’t accepted, the ax swings. But CNN still wants us to believe those 100-plus veteran staffers who agreed to take a “buyout” don’t count as layoffs or terminations or job cuts — and that’s because CNN is genetically programmed to lie about absolutely everything.
And for all we know, CNN gave everyone a five-dollar Krispy Kreme gift certificate and called it a “buyout.”
Does anyone doubt Brian Stelter wouldn’t grab that deal with both hands?
Speaking of CNN’s Tater McSerialLiar, remember how he reassured everyone that “there’s a rumor making the rounds today about big impending layoffs at CNN. A CNN spokeswoman is knocking it down on the record: ‘No layoffs.'”
Oh, except now there are layoffs.
CNN isn’t even bothering to disguise this latest round of cuts as “buyouts.”
Maybe things have gotten so bad, the company can no longer afford those Krispy Kreme gift certificates?
“As part of the normal course of business, our newsgathering team made a small restructure earlier this week that ultimately impacts 6-7 employees within CNN’s Health Unit,” a CNN spokesperson told TVNewser … on a Friday afternoon … three days after it happened … just as everyone stopped paying attention to the news and started watching the clock in anticipation of that three-day holiday weekend.
“As part of the normal course of business,” we wiped out almost an entire news division because things are going so well at CNN, so swimmingly, we are able to enjoy things that qualify as the normal course of business, such as the mass layoffs we told you two weeks ago would never happen.
Lies, doublespeak, slow-walking an inconvenient truth, Friday afternoon news dumps… In every way imaginable, CNN is a political operation.
One wonders if Sanjay Gupta or Jake Tapper or Chris “The Fredo” Cuomo or Tater — you know, these pillars of redistributionist decency — offered to shave a little off their own seven-figure salaries to save some of these jobs. Perhaps they offered to pay tuition at a community college that teaches computer coding?
Oh, I’m sure they did something and are keeping the gesture quiet because we all know how uncomfortable they get when signaling their own virtue.
Anyway, the good news is that CNN is dying, not just in the ratings (which are catastrophic), but as a credible news outlet.
After all, if CNN is willing to lie about the little things — like its own layoffs, imagine the lies it tells about things that actually matter, things like…
- Hispanic George Zimmerman: The White Racist Killer
- Hands Up, Don’t Shoot
- Trump Can’t Win
- Brett Kavanaugh: Serial Rapist
- The KKKids from KKKovington High School
- Trump Colluded with Russia
CNN will continue to thrive, though, because 89 million suckers who do not watch CNN still subsidize the Hate Network through their cable bills.
Time to cut the cord, suckers.