Nolte: Inc. Spreads Misinformation About Rural America

Gravel road to a traditional American farm with a red wooden barn in a rolling rural landscape in autumn. Beautiful fall foliage. Woodstock, VT, USA.
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The tech publication Inc. decided to go trolling with a piece titled “7 Reasons to Avoid Going Rural to Work From Home.”

The sub-headline reads, “Living in the hinterlands costs less than in the city, but there are some downsides to consider.”

My first response was, Oh, please, please write more stuff like this. We don’t want you here. Stay away. It’s awful. Except, you know, it’s not awful. Rural America is awesome. Last year I proved MAGA Country is the Utopia leftists claim to want.

Anyway, here’s a taste of the seven reasons…

The first on the list, naturally, is guns…

There’s nothing like sitting in the sun on a deck in [a] comfortable house in the middle of the woods with a gentle breeze carrying the sound of constant gunfire.

He says that like it’s a bad thing.

Covalent with rural gun culture is rural pickup culture. Truck drivers in rural America drive with their brights on, constantly tailgate, and honk long and hard should you do something that inconveniences them[.]

I’m 56 years old. I’ve lived in Rural America for three decades. That’s never happened to me. Not once. Also, I’ve never used the word “covalent.”

You know you’re in rural America when you order Chinese food, and the first thing that hits the table is a basket of bread rolls.

They don’t do that at my Chinese restaurant, but I’m going to ask them to. I love bread.

Strike up a conversation with the guy next to you, if you’re curious about how a MAGA nut perceives the world.

I’ll admit he has a point on that one. But that’s only because I’m a MAGA nut myself, and, unlike the author, I much prefer to have conversations with people I disagree with. Obviously, this Inc. guy is uncomfortable when he’s not surrounded by the like-minded. However, I find people who think differently and see the world differently fascinating and challenging. Some people prefer the safety of the echo chamber—different strokes.

There’s an art show at the town hall if you ever feel compelled to reassure yourself that the Bob Ross school of painting is still as influential as it was in the 1970s.

What kind of soulless snob speaks ill of Bob Ross?

[M]y wife, who teaches in a typically rural elementary school, found a bullet shell casing on the floor yesterday.

If that anodyne anecdote is your only blast at rural education, I’d say we’re doing pretty well.

Sure, city building[s] have cockroaches, but you don’t know creepy crawlies until you’ve picked up a towel in your downstairs bathroom and found 25 garden spiders ranging from half-an-inch across to the size of your toddler’s palm, all [of] them scurrying for cover, including under your bare feet.

He’s also freaked out about a black widow and a “six-inch albino walking stick with bright blue eyes,” which makes me wonder if Geoffrey James is the nom de plume of a 12-year-old girl.

But again, I grew up in rural Wisconsin and have now spent more than 20 years in rural North Carolina. My wife and I have camped all over the Deep South, in national parks and the like, and Eek a bug! just isn’t a thing — at least not any more than it was when we lived in Los Angeles, which has a huge skunk problem.

But by all means, please, please do avoid moving to Rural America. Things are good here, and we’d like to keep it that way. And things are good here because the people here are good. You see, we’re not entitled snobs. We take people as they come. We look out for one another. Yes, we’re all armed, and yet mass shootings and violent crime mostly happen in urban America. Oh, and unlike urban America, our air, water, and streets are safe and clean. Our per capita hate crime rates dwarf left-wing cities. You see, unlike those oh-so-progressive cities, we take care of our natural resources and live and let live.

Now, I’m certainly not claiming everyone out here is perfect and that there are no problems. Human nature is human nature. But at least we don’t break down in hysterics over spiders and empty shell casings. We’re Americans, not babies.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.

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