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From Our Spy Inside the DNC: The Real Skinny

Democratic National Committee Minutes December 24, 2011 OFFICERS PRESENT Debbie Wasserman Schultz, National Chairleader Mike Honda, Vice Chair, UAW Liaison Donna Brazile, Vice Chair, Hemispheric-Americans Voting Rights Coordinator Linda Chavez-Thompson, No Relation to Cesar or Fred OTHERS Akio Toyoda, President,

Obama War Room: Reverse Pollarity

JOE BIDEN: [handing President phone] Axelrod calling from Chicago, Boss. He sounds pissed. OBAMA: Hey Axe! Whassup? No, I don’t know who leaked our decision to abandon blue collar whites. Soon’s we find the S.O.B., we’ll dress him up like

Obama and Matthews Tango on Hardball

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Tonight, President Barack Obama. Let’s play Hardball. OBAMA: Hello, Chris. Hey, you ever see someone about your ADHD problem? MATTHEWS: Too busy. Sir, recently I criticized you pretty harshly. You came on anyway. I’d like to kiss and

Obama War Room: Brushfires

OBAMA: It’s finally happened. O’Reilly’s obtained copies of my college records and interviewed an old weed buddy. The wingnuts will have an orgasm when they learn I took a course at Occidental called “Bongs Through the Ages.” JAY CARNEY: The

Obama's Second Term: A Cabinet of Curiosities

January 23, 2013 White House, Cabinet Room First meeting of President Obama’s new team OBAMA: Listen up, people. I got myself across the finish line but couldn’t bring Congress along. That’s why you’re here. Except for Defense, you represent the

Inside The Hillary War Room: 'It's My Party!'

The following is a transcript of audio recorded in the secret underground lair of Sec. of State Hillary Clinton. Due to the seditious nature of the conversation between Ms. Clinton and several top Democratic strategists, many Bothans died to give

Obama Addresses Nation's Schoolchildren

REP. CHARLES RANGEL: Hiya boys and girls. It’s me again, your Uncle Chollie in Washington. I help your Uncle Sam take care of you and your mom, and your dad, too, if he hasn’t run off yet. I’m here to

Obama War Room: Bridge over Troubled Waters

JAY CARNEY: Sir, word from the Senate on your American Jobs Act. Majority Leader Reid is complaining of constipation. Says he’s been pushing since yesterday, but he can’t pass the bill. OBAMA: Merde! After I did all the heavy lifting.

Obama War Room: Misdirection

BILL DALEY: Boehner’s office just called, sir. He’s changed his mind. Says you can address the joint session next Friday at 2:00 a.m. OBAMA: Cheeky b**tard. All right, accept. Eric, have Federal marshals available to round up and escort legislators

Soliloquy of the First Presidential Debate

[As the Republican nominee begins his opening statement, President Obama reflects.*] I Ooooh . . . he speaks, the right’s Orion! Expel your foul dis-charges–phew! Could glares steal breath, Paulie Ryan, ‘Bout now you’d be turning blue! Huh? Big spending

Obama War Room: Debt Deal Postmortem

BILL DALEY: The delegation is here, sir. OBAMA: All right. Bring them in. Let’s get this over with. [enter Clintons, DNC Chair, Reid, Pelosi, Pollster John Zogby, Jesse Jackson, George Soros] WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: John, tell the President what you told

Obama War Room: Desperate Hours

OBAMA: Ryan’s the one who’s giving their caucus spine. And he still won’t budge? VALERIE JARRETT: No, sir. His family . . . release them? OBAMA: Not yet. Give it another day or two. Let Mrs. Ryan have formula for

Another Day, Another Obama Presser

The White House Office of the Press Secretary For Immediate Release July 14, 2011 Press Conference by the President Fort Belvoir Golf Club Locker Room 1:03 P.M. EDT THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. As you can see, we’re trying something different

Report: DNC Courts Gore to Challenge Obama

ABANDON ALL HOPE OF CHANGE PALIN DELENDA EST Democratic National Committee Unposted Principals’ Meeting July 5, 2011 OFFICERS PRESENT Debbie Wasserman Schultz, National Chair Mike Honda, Vice Chair Linda Chavez-Thompson, Vice Chair OFFICER NOT TOLD OF MEETING Donna Brazile, Vice

Obama War Room: Michelle Ma Belle

[White House exercise facility] MICHELLE: Well, come in, people. Geithner, Carney–get your skinny butts over here and spot for me while I press 250. Everybody else, pull up a mat and sit so we can start. JOE BIDEN: Huh? Why’s

Obama War Room: Campaign Mode

OBAMA: So I said, “Damn right, George. The Force is with me.” Anyway, it’s official: Lucas will produce and Spielberg will direct Barack CoJones and the Compound of ISI, with Denzel Washington playing me and Cat Stevens as Osama. Release

Hillary to Challenge Obama for Nomination

Washington (AP) – In a stunning announcement this morning on The Today Show, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told host Matt Lauer she will leave the Administration and challenge Barack Obama for the 2012 Democratic Presidential nomination. Transcript follows: LAUER:

Obama Presser: It's the Budget, Buster

The White House Office of the Press Secretary Transcript: President Obama Press Conference East Room 8: 03 p.m. EST PRESIDENT OBAMA: Good evening. I have a brief statement, and then I’ll take a question . . . uh, excuse me.

Obama War Room: Health Snare

OBAMA: Serendipity. Egypt couldn’t have blown up at a better time. Judge Vinson’s ruling on the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act got just a paragraph on A18. ROBERT GIBBS: Damn the Times! It was supposed to be two sentences