Joining the 'endless parade of crazed right-wing culture critics…'

My wife and I argue about once a year. It comes from nowhere and starts for no reason. It’s a cleansing of sorts where we burst into a litany of long held grievances: You live in the bathroom! You leave dirty dishes in the sink! You have the TV too loud at night! You drive too fast…! Anyone listening to this little rock throwing contest would think we were crazy, and this kind of “crazy” is what came to mind while reading the L.A. Times own Patrick Goldstein’s burst into a fit of rock throwing at Debbie Schlussel.

Here’s the opener:

In the seemingly endless parade of crazed right-wing culture critics always eager to lambaste liberal Hollywood and kill a mosquito with an AK-47 (yes, we’re thinking Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly and Rush “I’m Rooting for Obama to Fail” Limbaugh), no one quite matches the inspired lunacy of Debbie Schlussel.

Goldstein’s vexed over Debbie’s warning to parents that they shouldn’t take their kids to see “Watchmen” — and so he brings out the rocks. First, he spends a few paragraphs lifting very specific quotes of hers from posts unrelated to “Watchmen” and puts them in the worst context imaginable. This, of course, allows him to claim victory without actually addressing the ideas behind her quotes.

Since Goldstein refuses to address her ideas, I will. Debbie is concerned with terrorism and Hollywood’s hyper-sexualization of our children. You see, terrorism and illicit sex cause misery and death and she, along with many of us in the crazed right-wing culture critic parade, can only imagine how much brighter and better the world would be if those on the left agreed with us — if those on the left were as intolerant of terrorism and the sexualization of our children as they are of, say, cigarette smoking. Back to Mr. Goldstein:

In her current post, she got right to the point: “If you take your kids to see ‘Watchmen,’ you’re a moron. If you see it yourself, you’re also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being.” She goes on to say that “I haven’t seen a more violent, depraved movie in years. … There were so many disgusting, morbid, grisly scenes and acts of killing, I had to start writing them down. And that’s in addition to the rape scene between superheroes (complete with the violent beating of a female superhero) and an explicit sex scene between two other superheroes. Oh, and don’t forget another superhero’s swinging computer-generated penis frequently in your face.”

Let me just interrupt a second… The title of Goldstein’s piece is “Are you a ‘moron’ if you go see ‘Watchmen’?” But I can’t imagine that someone who opens his piece accusing others of “lunacy” and being “crazed” is offended over the use of the word “moron.” The hypocrisy would be too staggering. Plus, unlike those who hurl ad hominem and take sentences out of context, Debbie actually makes her “Why you’re a moron” case — and I say that as someone who may well qualify as one.

Schlussel is also offended by what she calls the “slutty” behavior of various superheroes, as well as by a “lesbian make-out scene,” but what really sets her off is the idea that the big Hollywood studios behind “Watchmen” are marketing the bloody R-rated film to children — or as she puts it in her classically overheated way: “… they are pimping the movie to all niches, especially your young kids.” It’s a pretty shocking charge, since the movie is clearly unsuitable for young children, which is why it’s rated R in the first place.

So where is Schlussel’s evidence that Warners is selling “Watchmen” to kids, as she charges? Ahem, well, actually, she has no evidence[.]

[Note to self: “Overheated” does not include the use of the words “crazed” and “lunacy” when referring to conservatives]

Well, first off, let’s hope Goldstein didn’t miss the rape, intense violence, computer generated penis and lesbian make-out scene as he scanned crowd shots looking for extras smoking cigarettes, but his charge that there’s no evidence of “Watchmen” being sold to kids is breathtaking.

Criticizing Debbie for not providing evidence of the obvious is nothing more than a rhetorical trick to advance a personal attack. On its face the unthinking will say, “Yeah, where’s the evidence!?!” But give it a quick thought and you’ll realize it’s a diversion, no different than if I demanded Goldstein prove smoking is unhealthy every time he goes on about it.

Water’s wet, the sky is blue, and “Watchmen” is marketing to kids.

Sure there may be the rare straggler every once in a while, but you go to Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic and it’s like opening a hothouse filled with hungry baby chicks. For or against a film, they all sound alike because they all think alike. When it comes to film, Debbie and I don’t always agree, but I like her style, and love that she’s out there. Score one for diversity.

UPDATE: Please read the comments to see the lengths some will go to to rationalize Toys R Us and other retailers putting “Watchmen” action figures on their store shelves and websites. Then take their argument, replace the words “Watchmen Collectibles” with “cigarettes,” and see if they’ll still stand by their “not marketing to kids” argument. Arguing toys in a kids’ toy store aren’t aimed at kids. Where to begin?