Remember, spin, people, spin.
Think: WWNYTD? (What Would the New York Times Do?)
The best will be posted below in an update.
*UPDATE: You guys are getting really good at this. And the winners:
NYT: “Renowned and beloved outgoing Speaker Nancy Pelosi, under threat, surrenders weapon to violence-filled white Republican.”
Apparently overcome with emotion, new House Speaker John Boehner appears to look down the blouse of Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi during opening ceremonies this week. Observers questioned whether his unguarded actions signaled an unvarnished return to paternalism and sexism in House administration.
New House Speaker Boehner thinks to himself, “What would Gallagher do?”
Republicans demonstrate how violent they really are.
A helpless Nancy Pelosi pleads for rescue just moments before a brutal gavel assault by the unstable John Boehner.
“Patriotic American and outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi bravely attempts to shield the rest of the Congressional body from weepy and emotionally-unbalanced John Boehner’s irresponsible and violent brandishment of a gavel.”
This didn’t exactly follow the contest rules, but I did chortle out loud:
Boehner: “Hmmm, this gavel smells like Botox and Depends”