Five years after tweeting the sickest things imaginable about her, comedian and television star Louis C.K. apologized personally to former vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin. C.K.’s story about the apology, and Palin responding graciously with an invitation to take him fishing, is getting all kinds of media attention. What happened between radio shock jock Howard Stern and the comedian immediately after C.K. told his story, is not.
Things start off with Stern saying, “You want to hate her but you also want to fuck her.” C.K. quickly agrees, and the two head off on a fantasy about having sex with Palin, Fox News’s Megyn Kelly, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and former Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.
My guess is that if Stern and C.K. had used the names Sandra Fluke, Chelsea Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, and Michelle Obama, the media coverage would be entirely different.
Here’s the clip. Relevant transcript below.
C.K.: Something came over me emotionally, and I said, ‘Well, I owe you an apology.’ I have never apologized to anyone in a million years. Fuck anyone else who’s offended. I don’t give a shit. But here’s the person right in front of me — I’m not an insult guy. I don’t go after people. That’s not what I do. So I kind of stumbled into this thing with her.
STERN: So when you say to her, “I owe you an apology,” does she go, “Why?”
C.K.: She goes, “Oh. ” There was some guy with her, some handler, and he said, “Thank you for saying that. I’e meaningful that you’re apologizing.” And I said, “Well, look, I didn’t know that this was going to have such a big reach, but I said some bad things about you.” And she said, “Well, you’re a vile person.” She said that, and it kinda made me laugh. And I said, “Yeah, anyway, I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry.”
STERN: And that was it?
C.K.: And then she said that maybe if I come to Alaska she’ll take me fishing — which I would do in a heartbeat.
STERN: Go fishing with Sarah Palin?
C.K.: Fuck yeah.
STERN: Why not. She’s sort of attractive, isn’t she?
C.K.: Yes, she is. She’s attractive.
STERN: Which is weird too, cause you want to hate her, but you also want to fuck her.
C.K.: A little bit.
STERN: I’ve always said, I can’t stand this woman’s politics but I absolutely want to fuck her.
C.K.: Totally attractive.
STERN: Really attractive.
C.K.: We’re kind of the same age. And when I went to high school, there were these kind of unattainable, athletic cheerleader types — athletic and smart and really conservative, and they looked at me like I was a piece of garbage. And they were my ultimate fantasy because they were unattainable. So in a way she’s that to me.
STERN: Michele Bachmann has vile politics and she’s hot.
C.K.: Totally hot. It would be fun to fuck a conservative politician.
STERN: Do you think you could be in a relationship with someone like that?
C.K.: I don’t know.
STERN: Maybe you could. Maybe there’s something hot about it.
C.K.: I think that one reason people connect is that we look for people who is opposite of us. It’s part of evolution. Do you know what I mean. Like whenever there’s a shitty guy with a great girlfriend and they have kids, she’s diluting his shitty bloodline. She’s improving his bloodline.
STERN: I’m embarrassed but I want to fuck almost every girl on Fox News.
C.K.: Megyn Kelly?
STERN: Oh, Megyn Kelly in a minute.
C.K.: Because you picture them in character having sex with you — this very conservative person going up and down on your dick and saying, “Well I feel that Iran is a real threat.”
STERN: It’s kind of hot– that lawyer chick of “the Five,” [Kimberly] Guilfoyle — oh, my God.
C.K.: Yeah, it’s definitely a thing with Sarah where you want her to have her clothes on and the glasses and everything, and sort of dispassionate… “Go ahead, Howard, just do it.”
It is breathtaking what the media covers up, and I mean all of the media, like it’s a conspiracy or something.
John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC