They told us Robert Mueller was Captain America: Crusader for Truth, and instead we got George Costanza and all the inept deception, sweaty stalling, and blundering dishonesty that comes with him.
Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s bumbling, stumbling, grumbling, tumbling, crumbling testimony Wednesday before the U.S House of Representatives was not only karma on steroids, it once again proved just how brilliant the American Constitution is.
You see, the sublime spectacle of watching Robert Mueller’s reputation go up in flames, flames ignited by his own corrupt report and fueled by three years of the establishment media’s hoax machinery, would not have been possible without the Separation of Powers, without the ability of one branch of government to hold the other in check,
While I certainly sympathize with President Trump not wanting Mueller to appear before congress, because it could only mean one more fake news-cycle distracting from all his successes, I always wanted Mueller to appear.
As awful as congress is, we chose those guys to represent us, to speak for us; and the very idea that we would hand a Robert Mueller tens of millions of dollars, the power to overturn a presidential election, and the unlimited power to prosecute, subpoena, and investigate — the idea that one man would be handed Thor’s hammer and then allowed to hurl a report, give a haughty public statement, and skip town under the cover of Media Mythologizing, was not only intolerable to me, it was un-American.
Oh, no… This man must take the stand, must answer for himself, must be cross-examined. We The People have a few goddamned questions and don’t give a tinker’s damn whether or not they’re outside your precious little purview because at the very least you’re going to have to tell the world you refuse to answer our questions. And so…
My God, did you see what happened yesterday… The Emperor not only has no clothes, every time you toss him a reasonable question he acts as though you just woke him up in front of the TV to ask if he wants some oatmeal.
Did you see what happened yesterday… Robert Mueller is a liar, a brazen liar who wants us to believe he never heard of Fusion GPS.
Did you see what happened yesterday… Captain America is a partisan monster, a Resistance Vengeance Machine whose precious purview included nothing that matters — Christopher Steele: Not in my purview, bro. The FISA warrants to spy on a sitting president: Not on my purview, bro. Russia’s role in the Steele Dossier: You are totally harshing my purview, bro. Hillary Clinton and the DNC’s role in the Steele dossier: Why are you all up in my purview, bro? The Obama administration’s unprecedented unmasking of Trump officials: Purview, bro. The FBI spying on a presidential campaign: Watch me purview, bro. James Comey’s leaks: I hardly know the man. Fusion GPS: What is this Fusion GPS you speak of?
Oh, but what is in Walter Mitty’s purview?
Paul Manafort’s taxes.
Excuse me Captain America, can you explain why you destroyed the lives of countless Trump associates, why you bankrupted countless Trump allies, why you arrested them and went after their children and decimated their life’s work by indicting them for perjury but did not indict Joseph Mifsud…
I’ll allow Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) to take it from here:
Joseph Mifsud is the … mysterious professor who lives in Rome and London. Works and teaches at two different universities. This is the guy who told Papadopoulos. He’s the guy who starts it all. And when the FBI interviews him, he lies three times and yet you don’t charge him with a crime. You charge Rick Gates for false statements. You charge Paul Manafort for false statements. You charge Michael Cohen with false statements. You charge Michael Flynn, a three star general with false statements. But the guy who puts the country through this whole saga starts it all for three years we’ve lived this now–he lies and you guys don’t charge him. And I’m curious as to why.
And Mr. Magoo can only respond with: I can’t get into it.
But he can get into Paul Manafort’s taxes.
Hey, Atticus Finch, why are Paul Manafort’s taxes within your purview but not anything that matters?
Because when you are a Dirty Cop allowing yourself to be used as a “lifetime Republican” prop by the fake news media and those 17 Hillary-adoring prosecutors you hired, all that matters is making those fuckers pay; your only purview is revenge and if that means early morning raids staged for Fake News and threatening the son of a three-star general, and violating the most American principle of all, even though…
I’ll let John Ratcliffe (R-TX) take it from here….
…nowhere does it say that you were to conclusively determine Donald Trump’s innocence or that the special counsel report should determine whether or not to exonerate him. It’s not in any of the documents. It’s not in your appointment order. It’s not in the special counsel regulations. It’s not in the OLC opinions. It’s not in the justice manual, and it’s not in the Principles of Federal Prosecution.
Nowhere do those words appear together because respectfully, respectfully, director, it was not the special counsel’s job to conclusively Donald Trump’s innocence or to exonerate him because the bedrock principle of our justice system is a presumption of innocence. It exists for everyone. Everyone is entitled to it, including sitting presidents. And because there is a presumption of innocence, prosecutors never, ever need to conclusively determine it.
There’s a lot of speculation about Mueller’s reputation-burning performance Wednesday. Maybe he’s getting old. Maybe he’s getting senile. Maybe he didn’t understand the report he authored because he didn’t write it. Maybe he wasn’t involved enough in the investigation to understand it.
I don’t know.
I’m not a doctor.
And if he is old and frail, I take no pleasure in watching an old man shred his dignity in front of the whole world.
But I’m paid to tell you what I think — and here’s what I think.
You want to know who Robert Mueller reminded me of yesterday?
A guilty man.
I didn’t see senility or fragility or confusion or old age or anything close to doddering.
What I saw was a guilty man forced to take the stand against his will, a guilty man who fought like hell to never appear for a cross examination. Why? Because he’s guilty. And because the facts are not on his side, because he cannot explain his behavior, because he cannot justify what he’s done, he has only one choice and that’s to stall — to ask for questions to be repeated, to pretend he doesn’t understand, to run out the clock, and when that fails, he simply refuses to answer any question (take the Fifth!) that will confirm his guilt.
And in the end we saw who Robert Mueller really is — a dissembling, dishonest, deceptive bureaucrat — a front man (Captain America!) leading a criminal gang of coup plotters staffed with partisan prosecutors, the sore losers in the establishment media, the Democrat Party, and Toxic Revengers with names like James Comey and Andrew McCabe.
A Dirty Cop will say that Of course I didn’t leak my crybaby letter to Attorney General Bill Barr to the media and then refuse to answer (purview, bro) if his office leaked news of the raid on Roger Stone to CNNLOL — and that is exactly what we saw happen yesterday.
A Dirty Cop will remember everything in his preview (bro), but can’t remember when he figured out when Trump did not commit a crime, did not collude with the Russians (Gee, was it before or after the midterm elections?) — and that is exactly what we saw happen yesterday.
What do the guilty-as-hell do under cross examination? They sweat, fall apart, collapse, melt down, break down, lose their composure, lie, stall, stutter, and gulp, and that’s exactly what we saw happen yesterday.
A guilty man was forced to take the witness stand, a Dirty Cop was cross examined, cornered, trapped, exposed, stripped of his media mythology shield, and found to be Dirty…
And it was glorious.